lapband - brain block

I am getting so frustrated. This getting over the 130kg mark is taking forever and is becoming a huge mound for me. So today I have started using Troy's gym set to help me overcome this block. Maybe something different to walking might help.

I am sure its my mind stopping it happening, rather than anything I am doing. I haven't put on, neither have I lost.

Another thing happening atm is my depression is playing up. The 2 probably go hand in hand. With the loss of sleep with Ryan, I get so tired that all I seem to do at times is cry. Then I start thinking of all the things that friends can just go and do eg holidays without their grown up kids, free to do what they want or to just pop to the shops when they want (even though I hate shopping). Its just everything has to be a well planned tactical manoeuver. If I want to do this on this day, who will be able to watch Ryan. What time can they do it from and to, will I fit everything in that time rah rah.

See how it goes. Then there has been the worry about money lately with the increase amounts with carers and the tv blowing up. I wouldn't have worried about the tv but we had a carer coming that night at midnight and I couldn't very well say "sit here and twiddle you thumbs." So that money came from the money that was to be for our holiday with Ryan at the end of next month. Yes we are still going and having a garage sale in a couple of weekends to repay that money.

I am not asking for help etc here, just venting and showing how all the little things are tending to build into big things atm. Saying how I wish that life could be simplified into the "normal" day to day challengers that others have. And also that I would stop farting and burping so much lately haha. Is that too much to ask???? lol.