Family - week 2

Family

Do you ever find little things reminding you of someone? I do! If I smell cow dung I immediately thing of my grandfather.

Pa was this very quiet gently man who always just plodded along doing whatever task he had to. Pa was Danish, coming to Australia when he was 3 in WW1. He was on a ship with his brother and sister and his parents were on the following ship. That ship was bombed on the way over, so they arrived in Bundaberg as orphans. They all grew up with an aunt that was already out here.

When he had the dairy farm Pa also raised chickens that he use to show at the Gympie Show. I remember being really proud going with him and thinking his chickens looked better than anyone else’s. After selling the farm and moving into town, his pride and joy was his veggie garden. No matter what you wanted it was in this huge backyard garden.

Nanna loved her roses that she had planted out the front of the city house. She also loved cooking. If she knew we were coming she would make a batch of peaches cakes for us – tiny cupcakes, soaked in jelly with fresh cream in them and coated with coconut. You have never tasted anything like them, soft and moist they just melted in your mouth.

On my mother’s side I can only remember grandma as grandpa died when I was only a baby. Grandma lived in Booval. I look back on her as this big strong woman who walked everywhere. Grandma use to take me to bingo and hoy, which was so much fun, and bingo I still enjoy today.

Grandma was in such demand, as having 13 children there were a lot of grandchildren to help out with. Because my mother worked and my father being an interstate truck driver was away a lot, she would come over to look after myself, Steven and Sharon.

I will never forget the day grandma died. I was spending the day with some friends at Rainbow Bay on the Gold Coast. While laying sunbaking I looked at the time and said to my friends I wonder how Grandma is doing. She was in hospital with leukemia. When I got home dad said, “I have some bad news. Grandma passed away today.” I asked what time and found out it was the exact time I had looked at my watch and commented about her. She was buried 3 days later on my 20th birthday.

Now I suppose that brings us to my parents. Well what can I say? Lets start with the easy one – dad. Because of dad being an interstate truck driver he was away a lot, so when we did see him it was more fun times. Dad hardly ever disciplined us although rarely he would use the strap when mum told him to. Dad is very much like Pa, quiet and getting on with what he has to do. I use to love going with him on trips on the school holidays. It’s how I saw most of the east coast of Australia.

Dad still had his faults. I remember when I was about 10 going with him on a trip to Sydney. We stopped in Goondiwini for the night, staying at a woman’s house. Dad stayed in the same room as me and I don’t know what their relationship was but he did tell me not to tell mum as she wouldn’t of liked it. Even now this doesn’t sit well with me and it’s never been spoken about since.

Mum. Well mum rules the roost so to speak. I suppose virtually being a single parent while dad was away does that. I can’t say I remember ever having any fun with mum. She would either be at work or at home reading. Mum is also a hoarder. It’s a joke with my kids if they don’t clean out their cupboards etc that we say “your hoarding like grandma” it gets them moving that’s for sure. On mum and dad’s last move there was boxes of material scraps. None of it big enough to make anything with but scraps from dresses and clothing that mum had made since I can first remember. Luckily it all had to go as they were moving into a caravan and traveling.

Mum and dad shouldn’t have gotten married. Growing up was a lot of fighting, nothing physical just screaming matches. But enough that the 3 of us kids would get moving outside. For their 25th wedding anniversary I was going to get a wedding photo printed for them. I rang the photography studio and told them what I wanted. It was thru this that I found out that my parents had been lying to me. They had always said they were married in 1961 but instead I found out that it was 1962 just 5 months before I was born. Their parents didn’t’ want them to get married so they got mum pregnant so they had to.
Maybe their parents knew best in this case, but then I wouldn’t be here would I.

There were also a lot of fights with Mum and I once I got older. Mum would tell me what I could and couldn’t do right up until I left home at 20. Things improved then for a long while but mum would still get her digs in. She would buy me clothing as presents for birthday etc that were 2 sizes too small – for when I lost weight. Or criticize things I might buy or friends I have. I have learnt to ignore these things.

When my parents decided to spend the rest of their life traveling my first thought was, they will kill each other, my second thought was abandonment I suppose. They had said that if they were in say Western Australia when my son dies, they would not return back for the funeral. That cut me deeply. I think now they have realized how hurtful that comment was and have revised their plans on that.

I suppose all parents try to be the best they can be for their children, the same as I try and be the best I can be for mine.