Tuesday, 30 October 2012

Whinge, whinge

Let me start by saying that this is a pity me post, so if you don't want to hear a whinge, then leave now.

I find that at night when things go around and around in my head, that they won't go away until I get it down on paper. While this is not something I would normally write about, it is something that is just not going away.  So here goes........it's your last chance to leave now....

I will start by saying that yes I am grateful for the help we receive from DSQ, Montrose and QMDA. If it wasn't for them, we would never get to go away during the year or have respite. So for that I am very thankful.

Now in saying that, I don't need people to throw in my face that I should be thankful that we get help and get centrelink benefits. Some act like it is coming out of their own pockets. Well guess what. We pay tax as well.
While I might do some things differently, there is not much I would change.

If we were to relinquish Ryan's care, it would cost the tax payer a minimum of $300.000 a year just for carers, not including housing, travel etc. So do we get a thank you from those that say we should be grateful for saving them that money? God no!! Something like that would never cross their minds.

Now for the things I rarely ever talk about. Looking after Ryan severely damaged my back. I have pain in it every day and on the days it is really bad, I need Peter to help me get dressed and do some simple tasks. Now because of this, I can't be Ryan's full time carer, Peter has to be. With centrelink he is allowed to work 25 hours a week. All his income is reported each fortnight and our payments are adjusted. I don't think we have ever received a full payment.

We are in our own home that we are paying off, we have no other debts apart from paying off our cruise to QMDA. So we are not getting rent assistance or staying in government housing. We have private health insurance and all our hospital admissions are private and not draining the overworked system.

We are not extravagant people, we haven't been able to. When we had our own business, it was doing fine until we had 3 big jobs in a row not pay. It is the only time we have gone to a charity for help, but that was so the kids would have food.

With doing the gardens and things around the house and cooking classes, I have been selling items to buy what I am doing. I own 5 pairs of shoes - slippers, joggers, boots, good shoes and slip ons. Our tv came from Big W and we don't have a surround sound system. I don't care that I don't have them and I don't care if you do.

You might say that all of this is no ones business. You are right, but oh so wrong. Because we get benefits, there are some that work, that think it is their business. This people can make you feel like shit. But having dealt with people like this for years, I am use to it.

What has brought a lot of this to the surface over the last couple of weeks, is that we are trying to get a new car for me. Mine is on its last legs and is too low for me and meaning that by the time I finish the grocery shopping, I am having to lift my legs into the car and in pain from just about falling in.

You would think that having over $500,000 in assets would mean that getting a small loan would not be a problem. After all, they seem to just throw money around at people these days. Well how wrong you are. Because some of our income is from centrelink, most places won't touch you. As we were told - it doesn't matter it is was $1000 or $100,000, the answer would be the same.

So all in all it just sucks. It sucks that some people think they can treat you like shit, it sucks that because we choose to look after our son and not let him be a burden on the tax payer that we get penalized.

I am not looking for pity or a hand out or hugs or anything else. I am just letting you know that it sucks. Now hopefully, I have this off my chest and can now get some sleep tonight.

Thursday, 4 October 2012

Psychic reading

Well today I got to cross off another thing on my list. I went for a reading with a woman named Lorraine Manly. Even though I had heard she was good, I was still a bit sceptical. After coming out though, I was a firm believer.

Prior to going in, I rang a friend while I was sitting in the car, since I got there early and was telling her what I was doing. I made a comment that I was only having a reading and not the mediumship as well, as there was no one I wanted to talk to haha.

I finished the call and went inside. Lorraine took me into the room in the back of CJ's store that she uses and I sat down. The first thing she said to me was that a woman had come in with me. An older woman who had passed. She told me things that this person was saying and doing and I knew who it was. To protect privacy I won't say who it was, but that they had a message for me. That someone had or was going to try and commit suicide and there was a note and I had to watch out for this person. I had no idea who the hell this could be, but afterwards I rang this person's child to tell them about what had happened and what was said. It turns out that it was them a couple of days ago. I also got this person to read my blog from yesterday and all of it seems to tie together.

The other thing that happened with this person that had passed, was that Lorraine said to me "Who is Jan?" I told her my friend and she commented more than asked, that I had seen Jan yesterday. I said yes that I had and she told me that this person was with me at Jan's. Oh and she had also wanted to say Happy Birthday to me.

The readings were divided into four parts. There was things that either have happened or going to happen in an 8 week period either side of today. There were things that came up that no one would know. Things that I had discussed with Troy in the last 2 days. Then there were things that are going to happen in 3, 6 and 9 months. Some things I could relate to, others I will have to wait and see.

At the end, there is a question time. I got to ask 3 different questions and the answers to them were very accurate. I asked questions about my kids and things said were spot on and so specific that they could not have been guessed or generalized about.

The whole thing is recorded so I could take home a copy of it and listen to it again. Three holidays in the 8 week period came up. On the way home I was thinking that while I was thinking holidays as in a week away, it could be the three I am doing within the next couple of months. I am going for a night or two to Bryon Bay, a night on the Gold coast for Ryan's girlfriends 21st and we have a week booked on the coast later in November.

I can't wait to see if the things I couldn't relate to, happen. It certainly wasn't one of those readings where everything might or might not mean this or that. It was more this will happen. It came up in the 8 week part that there would be a reunion that I would be involved in. Well this Saturday I am meeting up with girls that I worked with at MBF that I haven't seen for over 20 years.

I came out of there, feeling like OMG. Can't wait to see what Peter thinks. I had the friend whose parent came through listen to it with their partner and both had the same reaction as me and were totally amazed at not only the things pertaining to them, but at how accurate the stuff about my family were.

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Mischievous Adventures

This weekend I am going to be catching up with some girls - well women now - that I use to work with 30 odd years ago. So again laying in bed, I started thinking back to that time in my life.

Linda may remember our times on the Gold Coast. We would see a car with some good looking guys in it and follow them. Distance was no barrier, as once we ended up in Pottsville haha.

Then there was the time that I picked up Linda and Kim to take them to the coast for the day and Kim worrying because there was dope on my car floor. This was due to taking a friend to pick up his stash and some of it spilling in the car. Most of it was gone, but I remember Linda and I saying we were going to dust bust it up to keep haha. It was also the weekend that my grandmother died when we were at the beach.

Another friend of mine, Joanne, use to work at Maroochydore police station. We had many adventures together. One weekend I took Karen, a work colleague from MBF up to Cotton Tree for a weekend with Joanne. Jo was telling us that a flasher had been spotted in the area. We were warned by Bob one of the coppers not to go looking. As if we would!!

Well of course we would. Karen, Jo and I sat in the area for ages waiting for the person to turn up. After getting bored, we got up to leave, only to have the guy fishing near us, turn and flash us. Jo screams out, 'bring out the police dogs' and the three of us start running after this guy. Poor thing probably didn't know what had happened. We were running in amongst caravans and cars, calling out to him and laughing so much, we were nearly wetting ourselves. Needless to say he got away, but we sure did have fun for a while.

Holidays and weekends back then, were always a time of adventure. I use to holiday on the Gold Coast with family friends. It was on one such holiday that I went to the beach and came home with a date with an Elvis impersonator. What the hell was I thinking!!

Jo and I decided to go on a mini driving holiday to visit relatives. Our first stop was Munduberra to stay with my auntie. Now anyone who has ever been here, knows that it is a one main street town. We did a pub crawl and by the time we got back home, my auntie knew where we had been and who we had spoken to. From there we went to Biloela to Jo's aunty. On the way there I went to sleep in the car. Jo while driving came across a semi, towing a semi backwards. She thought it would be absolutely hilarious to get up really close behind it and then started to scream waking me up. I just about shit myself, when waking up and seeing what looked like a semi coming straight at us.

One thing was that we never hurt anyone, but just had some good fun and wonderful memories were created. I remember a lot of good times, but too many to write down at this point in time.

Surfing the waves

A lot of people, especially carers, suffer from depression. It is something that unless you have really experienced it, you can't fully understand what it is like. It isn't just feeling sad or down. Thinking in bed last night - yeah I know, surprise, surprise at me doing this lol. I was trying to thing of a way to describe what it is like.  This is what I came up with ....

Imagine you are a surfer. You paddle out to sit on your board and wait for that perfect wave to come along. As you are sitting there, you are bobbing up and down - this is most peoples life of gentle up and down days.

You see a swell coming and swim madly to catch it. If you are skilled enough, you can ride it to shore, if not you will wipe out. Most people when wiping out, can pick themselves up and swim back out waiting for the next wave and they are fine.

Now someone with depression, when they wipe out, they are trapped under the water and wave after wave keeps crashing down on you and keeping you under the water no matter how hard you are trying to escape. If you are lucky a lifesaver (antidepressant or counselling) will rescue you and help you go back out to the back of the waves.

Over time, the lifesaver just can't help by themselves. They might need to get another swimmer or lifesaver to help them. For some people, after time they won't bother to even get the lifesavers attention and just let the waves take them.

Everyone on the beach watching, will all have different opinions on what you should do instead of surfing over and over. There will be those that tell you to 'just keep going, you can do it, you're strong'. 'It isn't as bad a wipe out as your making it, get over it' will be another.

The thing about all those people on the beach is, that they weren't the ones trapped under the waves. They hadn't run out of breathe or swallowed a mouthful of water and still trapped. It is a lot easier to see from a distance, than to experience.

So after a while of this happening and people giving you their opinions on what you should of done, you learn to leave the surf, pretending it was like water off a ducks back. You carry your board to your car. It doesn't matter if your board feeling like a ton of bricks, you are going to make it look at light as a feather. You pack all your gear away and drive off. Anyone watching would think you had a great time and got over your wipe outs.

What they don't see as you drive out of sight, are the tears that are running down your face. They don't realize that the next day, week or month, you will be back to do it all over again. Yes there will be days that when you go out surfing, you to, will ride the waves to the beach and they will be the memories that make up for the days you totally wipe out.


Please feel free to share any of the things I write. While some things could be worded better, I tend to put things down on paper and not go back and read them. This is a way to get my thoughts out.