Wednesday, 23 November 2011

Vent, vent and more vent.

You would think that by now I would of learnt, but no I make the same mistakes over again.

Lets go back to Sunday. Woke at 4am with asthma, had a slight headache most of the day. Had lunch with friends from school and had a fantastic time. At the end of the afternoon, I was helping Jade to clean up the club and suddenly went pale, felt like I would pass out and then the aching started. Every muscle and joint in my body hurt, even under my feet. I had to get Jade to drive me home, since I didn't trust myself to. Got home and went to sleep. Woke no better but tried to eat a bit, then back to bed. Next day I woke with my asthma still playing up, but at least most of the aching was gone.

Now due to this, it meant that Peter puts in more time with Ryan when he should be sleeping before getting up at 3am for work. I then get guilty, so end up staying up longer and longer each night, so that he can rest. That in turn makes me cranky pants.

This week also saw my orders from big w, groupon and godeals not arriving, when they were all due around 2 weeks ago. In phone calls with big w, I would get frustrated as every call I was told a different story, until today they finally admitted they have no idea where it is. I will tell them where to put it shortly. I am sure some three legged blind reindeer is bringing it to me while reading his map upside down.

Today I also ring origin electricity to change the plan I am on. Prior to ring, as you do, I looked up best deals online by them and competitors. Rang up and the guy offered me a better deal on usage but gave me a ridiculous price on supply. I pointed out to him that on the site it lists it at a certain price. He told me that was wrong and wouldn't budge, so I didn't change it. Did some more research and rang back and got someone different. Yes the price I had seen online was right and he didn't know where the guy got the higher price from. Grrrr what a friggin waste of time that was. Why they first person couldn't look it up properly I will never know.

All this on top of terrible customer service in stores these days, has me thinking I will never buy anything ever again.

Last night I was on a facebook page that I frequent. Someone there had commented that they had stumbled across a Muslim trading post page. It went into a big deal with people calling them racist and one person ringing channel 10, telling them the site had only been opened 1 day and 431 listings and what a worry that was. Being in the mood I was in and normally would of just ignored it, I went in with my two cents worth. Before doing it, I went and looked at the site. It had been running since 2002 and the 431 posts were in 9 years, not 1 day. They weren't doing anything wrong and the site said that people had to act within the Muslim upbringing guidelines... which basically worded into honour. I had a couple of bites back. But when I pointed out that it was really no different to the catholic leader and that the post was inciting racism that it got deleted.

You don't have to agree with other people's beliefs, but as long as they are not harming me or my friends, then that is fine.

So in this week of sickness, tiredness and grumpiness, the toll shows on my body with my lap band. After going to Ryan every bloody 20 mins until 2am, then him calling out today for help and me rushing and not thinking, I end up drinking to fast. When I am stressed my band is tighter, so drinking fast meant it came up just as quick.

So tomorrow is a new day, time for me to take some deep breathes and relax and get back on track to only slightly grumpy lol.

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Crystal Therapy - autobiography

Many years ago I did a course with a friend, Leigh Wilkins. It was a healing at home course that ran for 10 weeks. Each week we learnt the basics of a different natural therapy - massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, colour therapy, just to name a few. One of the things that really jumped out and appealed to me was crystal therapy. It seemed to tie a few of the ones together - crystals, aromatherapy, meditation and colour therapy.

Wanting to know more, I went to some treatments with Peter Hall in Karalee. Being a bit of a sceptic, I didn't say anything about what aliments I had, just wanting to see what happened. Amazingly, all my problem areas came up to be worked on, along with some emotional issues. Afterwards I felt great. I sent Peter off as well and the same thing happened to him

Peter was a registered teacher and offered me the opportunity to become a healer myself. I jumped at the chance and for the next 2 years I studied for my diploma in crystal therapy.

I had to have 5 people that I would work on over this time and do reports on. Five of my friends volunteered and we went from there. Crystal therapy also takes you on a journey of spirituality as well. Its not affiliated with any religion, but you work with all the masters - Buddha, Jesus, St Germaine, Kuthumi, Sanat Kumara etc.

When I first learnt one particular meditation, you had to go to a room and you would see someone and could ask them a question and they would answer it. After it was over, I was describing the person I saw. Peter Hall pulled out a book that he had called Visions of the ascended masters. He opened one page and ask me if that was the person, I said no. He opened another and there was the exact person I had seen. Now I had never seen the picture before but it was Sanat Kumara. Another time on doing this same meditation on a friend, she described what she said was a skinny Santa. Later on I showed her a picture from the same book of Lord Maitreya and she immediately said that was him. She also had never seen the pic before.

One of the friends I was working on lived with her mum and nan. I knew them all and had always thought that Tara's dad had passed away. He was never mentioned in all the years I knew her. Working on her one day, it came up that I had to work on areas related to her dad. On using my pendulum while working on her, it told me through yes and no questions, that her dad was alive and some other things about him. When i had finished the treatment, I asked her about her dad and it turns out that everything 'told' to me was correct.

Now I have mentioned the pendulum. You use this to ask yes and no questions. Your pendulum is only yours and will give you signs for yes and a different for no. It is used to tell you what part of the body you need to work on, what charka's need pulling back in or opening and various other things. The one thing you can't do, and that a lot of people make the mistake of, is asking personal questions about yourself. You will influence the answer. As an example, a friend was pregnant. At a party the woman selling some pendulums said that you could use them for yourself. Angela used it and it said she was having a girl, which is what she wanted. I did it and it said a boy and overdue and she was.

With crystal therapy you do everything from relieving period pain, bad backs, rsi to past life regressions, house clearance and helping people to accept they are dying. Hubby's friend had come over and I told him I had to work on his panaceas and that maybe he should see a doctor. He came back a few days later and told me I was a witch haha. He had gone to the doctor and his sugar level was in the 20's and he then had tests and was diagnosed with diabetes,.

I had a varying mix of people who use to come to me for treatment - carers, labourers, doctors, housewives, people who brought their kids to me, bikers.

I had to stop when life got in the way, but plan to restart again sometime soon.

Saturday, 12 November 2011

The Farm - autobiography

I have briefly spoken about my grandparents farm, today I tell you more.

I loved that place. While I can't remember what the house itself looked like, I can remember a lot about it. It was outside of Gympie. The entrance of the driveway was where the metal tin were left with milk in them to be picked up. On the right hand side of the driveway - which was just a dirt track really - was the bull's paddock. I remember me along with my cousins Neville and Wayne, would go down there with something red and run like blazes if the bull looked at us.

The driveway then made its way up the hill to the house. Looking out the back of the house was the farmland. Looking to the right was the milking shed, where the cows were milked morning and night. I can still picture the machine that went onto their udders to get the milk. Pa use to do this by himself. Looking back now, it must of been hard work, getting them all in and then the milking and taking the milk down to the fence to be collected.

I don't remember a lot of inside the house, but I do remember the phone. It was one that you had to wind the handle to talk to the operator. We use to do that just to see how it worked.

I know Pa had his prize chickens but can't recall where they were. I remember heaps of ribbons that he had from the local show. Nana always seemed to be in the kitchen.

It probably wasn't, but it always seemed really green there and I remember that riding on Pa's tractor was a real treat. I can see myself sitting on a tree trunk and thinking I was king of the hill. Its hard to remember what is real. I know that by the time I was in about year 3 that they had moved into town.

I can't even remember if they had a horse and if that is where my love of them came from. I think this week I will have to start going through some photos that I have here and see if I can remember some more.

Friday, 11 November 2011

Secret Squirrel - autobiography

Moving onto a lighter note now. I am co-founder of the secret squirrel club, along with Leanne Robb. Its an exclusive club that many people want to become a member of, but only those hand picked can join. By now your thinking - she's friggin nuts. haha you might just be right.

It all started a couple of years ago. A friend (lets call her Leanne so she remains anonymous) and I set off on a journey of truth, justice and the Australian way of bullshitting. We were acquaintances of someone who we suspected told a lot of tall tales and wanted to know if what we thought was right.

So in the car we went, disguises in hand and cameras at the ready. As we neared our destination we donned our disguises - mine was a cap, broncos scarf and flu mask. Our first problem was to stop laughing. My flu mask had been put on wrong and looked like a duck's bill. This had us just about wetting ourselves with laughter.

We did a slow drive-by of the house and saw we were correct and it the place and area were not as told to us over the years. Yeah yeah I know stalkerish. We then headed off to view the town and what it had to offer. We saw an outfit in a store window and decided to take a photo of it - no pictures of people or even the name of the store, just the outfit. We had a senior citizen come and chase us off, telling us to come in and see it, not take a pic of it. Luckily we didn't have our disguises on at the time, that would of really scared her lol.

We found a park with a tranquil church beside it to stop at. Here beside a major highway, I again donned my disguise. Her the name of our club was created and photos were taken of Head secret squirrel playing on the swings, hiding in the bushes and we found an unusual looking root system on an old tree that provided head quarters for us.

After this we headed off into the farm area nearby to look for things that matched our farms on farmville. Photos of windmills, fences, trees followed. Its amazing what you can find.

This was the first of many SS (secret squirrel) missions. Our next one was off taking photos of UFO's - yep its true, I have the pic to prove it. We found lovers lane and played terrorists around the RAAF base area. On the way back from here I had rung Jade at her work at the Strand to say we were coming for lunch. When she told me jokingly that she would throw us out, I threatened to do coyote ugly dancing on the bar .... that got us served haha.

Another time I went with Leanne (remember this is not her real name), into Brisbane doing SS. It was raining and after Leanne trying to help me stand on a seat in New Farm Park, and me nearly falling on top of her, I got to pretend I was a trapeze artist. On the city cat we kept some Asian tourists thoroughly amused. I am sure they went home to tell everyone about the totally awesome Aussies they saw haha.

Now speaking of my co-founder, I went into her work one day. She introduced me to her boss, who proceeded to say they thought we were sisters. Now apart from the foot or two height difference and the fact we look nothing alike, this gave us some food for fodder.

We started to tell her work mates that we were sisters. They would stare really hard at us, then say 'oh yeah you have the same nose and mouth' hahaha. This then extended to us telling people that we were identical twins and only our mother can tell us apart. Would you believe that no one yet has said we're not lol. The guy at the local RSL said he could tell us apart - Leanne was the nice one and I was the nasty one haha. Now we tell people that Leanne's real name is Arnoldine and I am Danita.

So keep your eyes peeled. If you see some strange behaviour, it just could be members of the SS club checking you out.

By now your really convinced that I am nuts and need admitting. But as Peter says 'As long as I am having fun and not hurting anyone, who cares'.

Meaning of Life

Okay so what is the meaning of life? Is it just to exist or is there more to it? Sometimes it feels as if I am just being here, day in and day out. I feel like I should be doing more. Alexandra Graham Bell invented the phone and people could communicate. Others have discovered, invented or helped others in a mass way. Should the rest of us just be here to enjoy what others do, or should we get out there and try and do what we can to help mankind? If we don't, will we look back on our lives and say 'I was here', or 'I enjoyed myself' or 'I helped and left my mark for others to see'.

Most people live by the motto of - do unto others as you would have others do unto you. But do people really live this way? People might see restaurants throw away left over food and say 'why not give it to the homeless etc', but how many of the people who say that actually give their left overs away. If your electricity or phone isn't working, people complain about the inconvenience. How many go and visit neighbours to see if they need any help while these services are out? Maybe something for us all to think about.

Well thats enough profound and questioning wisdom for today. Let me know your thoughts though below.

Thursday, 10 November 2011

Feelings - autobiography

I have written a lot about the pass, so thought maybe I should write about something now before I forget and it becomes the past.

The older I get the more unsettled I become. I don't know if that is the right word for it. Its a combination of feelings. I guess loneliness is one. Yes I have some great friends, but my main communication with anyone apart from family is through the net. I don't regret any of the choices I have made in regards to family, but I don't get to   see others very often. When the kids were younger and at school or sport, that meant that every week, hell nearly every day seeing other adults and talking to them, even if it was just a quick 'hi'. Now I have a once a month meeting. Every Thursday seems to get so full of appointments I don't get to be able to see anyone then and weekends occasionally I have something on with friends, but they also have their families they need to catch up with since they all work. Unless someone is here with Ryan, I can't even just pop up to the shop.

Another feeling is resentment. This is the time in our lives that we had set aside to be able to do the things we wanted. To travel, get out and do the 'adult things' that so many parents put on hold until their kids are grown. It would be nice to just be able to say 'lets go out for dinner tonight' and go or even when you see an expo on that day that you didn't know about. It all takes strategic planning and not spur of the moment. Most of the time we can't do things together as a couple. My resentment is not towards Ryan, but towards the situation we are in.

And along with those feelings comes anger, sadness, and a lot of negativity.

On the flip side, our situation has also given us the black humour that we have. Lots of laughter and a lot of things we would never have experienced in life. We would never have gone to the Sydney Olympics or to the amazing holiday house on the Gold Coast or unit on the Sunshine Coast, if it wasn't for Ryan. If I wasn't sitting at home using the net to talk to the outside world, I would never have met some of the totally amazing people I have..... or the full on fruit cakes haha.

I have found that also the older I get, the less tolerant I am. I tend to say things and be up front with people, and some can find that confronting. I need to find a happy medium with myself. I need to get back into reading for relaxation. On a side note here - I don't buy any of the magazines, but I love going to the Dr's and reading them. They are normally months old and the crap they write in them, never seems to happen eg such and such is so happy in their marriage - and they are already divorced when you read it lol.

Anyway back to what I need to do. Meditate again, oh and maybe just run away from home. lol

empty nest

No one can say that being a parent is all fun and games. It is hard work and dedication to your children. There is laughter, tears, fun and times that you think “I love you but just don’t like you at the moment”.
I started my life as a parent on 24 hour call. Changing nappies, feeding, bathing, burping and cleaning up the projectile vomiting that made the exorcist look like a kid’s movie. No one told me that the 24 hour call never stopped.
I moved onto play dates, kindy, preschool and school. Mornings were a rush to get dressed, fed and school early for band or choir practice. Pick up from school was dancing, soccer training, and other sports. During the day was tuckshop, reading in classrooms and helping with where ever I was needed in the school. Weekends full of sport or going to eisteddfods.
So that’s the first 17 years!
I was always there to lend an ear, guide when it was needed and yes to scold and be the “bad” mum. They had smacks and cuddles, time out and fun times.
Then suddenly they are gone!
When they first go, you get the daily phone calls and get asked for advice. That tapers off and you get asked things sometimes. While you were once their confidant, it is now their partner. And while this is how it should be, you are now left with time and that big empty feeling.
All those years of wishing you had time for yourself is now here. But what the hell do you do now you have this time? There are only so many treatments you can get. You find that your friends are at different stages to you – they may have not been stay at home mums and work, or they might still have children at home and are busy with them. Going to courses by yourself seems so daunting and you feel too old to learn and compete with the younger generation.
You also start to think ‘were those women that gave you “that look” when you said you were a stay-at-home mum right?’ Should I have done more for myself and not been there for the kids?
Then I think of how happy they were when they competed in a game or eisteddfod. I also remember how happy other people’s children were that someone could take them because their parents were working and unable to get time off. And I think ‘no I wouldn’t trade it at all’.
So the feeling of a big empty hole doesn’t seem so deep now. And as I was writing this my baby boy rang me – he is 19 – asking if I could do something for him and yes! I am still needed and as he told me, appreciated.
I will find something for me to fill my time, but being a mum will always be number one, even if it is just in a revived, slightly smaller way.

Babysitting - autobiography

Its funny how things come to you at the strangest of times. Cleaning the carpet this morning and my mind wandering, I thought about my brother and sister. Most times when thinking of them, its remembering of when we were kids.

My sister is 7 years younger than me. We never had anything in common or ever did anything together. My brother was 2 years younger, so being closer in age we did do some things together. We use to ride dad's motorbike, ride our horses and had some of the same friends.

What I remember most though is the Christmas I was in year 7, so 1974. Dad was driving cement trucks at this stage and mum worked at Coward's butcher shop in Nicholas Street. That left us 3 kids at home by ourselves, with me having to look after the other two. If we did anything wrong, my sister would dob. Maybe that is why I did what I did. I locked her in the laundry and told her she was a black pom and couldn't come out until she scrubbed all the paint off. Of course she was let out before mum got home and dobbed.

I can't remember the other two ever getting the strap. I guess they did, but I can't recall any time they did. I do however remember getting it. Seemed like a week didn't go by that I had it wrapped around my bum. I got to the stage of putting on about 8 pairs of undies so it wouldn't hurt. It still did though.

I had to look after my sister every holidays then until I started work in 1978. Even then, once I had my licence my parents would go away for weekends, leaving me in charge of the other two and having to run them around. They did something wrong and I got into trouble for it, I did something wrong and I got into trouble for it. What a win/win situation for me!

When I had my kids, I was very careful not to put this type of responsibility on them. I didn't want them to have to spend their time looking after each other. They had their different friends, hobbies and sports. I also guess that is why - apart from Ryan - that I never went back to work. I wanted to be there for sports days, after school and for them to partake in activities that weren't just on weekends. They didn't turn out perfect by any means, but they know I am here if they need me. This has reminded me to post a story about empty nest I wrote a couple of months ago. lol

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Charity work - autobiography

At school I use to do some door knocking and collections for charity. Don't ask me which one though as I can't remember lol.

After Ryan was diagnosed though, I did a lot more. When he was first diagnosed we had Care and Concern from St Mary's come and help with his physio. Then of course there was Montrose Access (who at the time was called Montrose home for crippled children), who supplied his physio, occupational and speech therapists, along with social worker. It cost nothing for this service.

I felt that I had to give back to the community. Most of it was probably guilt based, due to being told at the time I was a carrier for the DMD gene. So to me, helping outside the house was me putting karma out there as a sort of forgiveness. Yes I know, stupid way to think, but at that time I was not thinking rationally. In fact for the next god knows how many years I didn't think clearly haha.

First to receive my help was Lifeline telephone counselling service. I really enjoyed this and did it for about 3 years. What happened for me to stop, was burn out. I started out with 1 shift a fortnight, on a Sunday night from 4 until 10pm. That changed to weekly and because I couldn't say no when asked to fill in, it ended up as 3 shifts on a lot of weeks. While listening to people talk and helping them in the right direction was great, it took its toll eventually. I seemed to work every father's day, which I hated, as it would break my heart when men would ring in tears because they weren't allowed to see their children by the mothers. I also seemed to get Christmas night, which was people upset at not seeing family - mainly the elderly. I also did some overnight shifts. These were the hardest as calls were from people in physical pain, usual from something terminal and also those that were lonely. Its not the type of  work that you get happy calls.

By this time, the kids were at school. I spent the next 11 years doing tuckshop, 9 years on the p & c committee as QCPCA rep, bookshop convenor, vice president and president. I also did classroom reading, swimming and anything else that was needed.

In 1998 Ryan put in his wish with Starlight Children's Foundation. Once it was in, I then joined them as a wish volunteer. I use to be given a case and would have to meet with the child, find out what their top 3 all time things they would like to do/have was, then go about trying to get number 1. I lost count of the number of children whose lives I brightened. Things were not just small. For example one child asked for a cubby house. The one I ended up getting for him was off the ground, with a sandpit underneath, steps and a cargo net to get up into it, a swing set off the side and a slide out the back. Another girl had never had a birthday party and at 5 didn't have long to live. I had 2 weeks to organize it and held it at the local school. It had dodgems, giant slide, pony rides, face painting, magician, merry go round, pizza, ice cream cake, fairies and a telly tubby costume for her to wear. To see her face was just magical. The best part of doing the wishes was that most companies donated the items, or did them at a very low cost.

I also helped Starlight in their first Qld starlight room when it was built at the Mater hospital, delivered easter eggs to the 2 Ipswich hospitals children's wards and stood on street corners selling merchandise. Again putting so much into what I did, burnt me out, plus I would never claim back any expenses, so money became as issue as well and by around 2003 I had stopped this.

Around this time I was canteen convenor for Ipswich Little Athletics. Volunteering my time since Troy was competing there. When he stopped going there it was a relief not to have to do it lol. It was every Friday night in the canteen, Fridays collecting the food for that night, Thursdays ordering day and I also had to do the high school in the area as well, when they had their sports days there.

Boy I am exhausted just writing this haha.

2004 saw me take over secret santa at EmailCash. September until December was spent with this. I loved it!! I got to know so many people that I wouldn't of otherwise gotten to know. Some people who previously I hadn't even noticed on the site,  would email me and we would get to talk and know each other well. I did secret santa for 7 years, the last couple on another site and about 4 secret bunnies. Thousands of cards have been through my house on their way to surprise someone. And over a thousand gifts were exchanged in that time.

I think it finally took until last year (2010) until I decided that I didn't have to pay back the world. Finding out that I wasn't a carrier and that Jade wasn't either probably had a lot to do with it. Now I pick one cause and help them each year, but in a lot more relaxed way.

I don't think I will ever stop, as its still my way of paying back the community for the help we receive. But I am learning to slow down.

Had to add to this today as I remembered more lol. I did some work for CODI, trying to get them some publicity when they were first starting out. I sort of fell into this when I attended Ipswich's first disability expo and got talking to the guys that were on the committee at the time.

I have also spent the past year as secretary for Northern suburbs rugby league club. Jade roped me into this, with her being bar manager there and the club struggling to get people on the committee. Its the one job that I hate to do haha Have already told them I won't do it next year. 

Monday, 7 November 2011

Daily struggle

Lately I am finding I am craving milk drinks. The problem is that they tend to build up phlegm in me, which in turn means that it causes my food to get stuck and I throw up. Gross I know but its mainly phlegm and what ever is behind it.

I am also at the invisible stuck line where I am just about to go into another bracket. It happened from the 50's to the 40's and to the 30's and the 20's and the teens and is now happening for the tens. I am determined that it will happen this month. Its just a pain not being able to exercise atm.

Now I hear you ask, why am I not exercising. When I did the charity walk I damaged t9 and t10 in my back and it is now seizing up when I do the slightest of things. After a ct scan I have been told to rest it for 3 months. Yeah right!! And who will look after Ryan when Peter is at work... oh the carer fairies haha. 

Next week I am going to see the plastic surgeon to see what the cost is to get my arms done and what he wants me down to for it to happen.

Going to try and organize myself to write more on this and my autobiography which has sadly been forgotten, although on here.

Oh and also now have a twitter account @kerrieczernia 

Night for now. :)