Well today I got to cross off another thing on my list. I went for a reading with a woman named Lorraine Manly. Even though I had heard she was good, I was still a bit sceptical. After coming out though, I was a firm believer.
Prior to going in, I rang a friend while I was sitting in the car, since I got there early and was telling her what I was doing. I made a comment that I was only having a reading and not the mediumship as well, as there was no one I wanted to talk to haha.
I finished the call and went inside. Lorraine took me into the room in the back of CJ's store that she uses and I sat down. The first thing she said to me was that a woman had come in with me. An older woman who had passed. She told me things that this person was saying and doing and I knew who it was. To protect privacy I won't say who it was, but that they had a message for me. That someone had or was going to try and commit suicide and there was a note and I had to watch out for this person. I had no idea who the hell this could be, but afterwards I rang this person's child to tell them about what had happened and what was said. It turns out that it was them a couple of days ago. I also got this person to read my blog from yesterday and all of it seems to tie together.
The other thing that happened with this person that had passed, was that Lorraine said to me "Who is Jan?" I told her my friend and she commented more than asked, that I had seen Jan yesterday. I said yes that I had and she told me that this person was with me at Jan's. Oh and she had also wanted to say Happy Birthday to me.
The readings were divided into four parts. There was things that either have happened or going to happen in an 8 week period either side of today. There were things that came up that no one would know. Things that I had discussed with Troy in the last 2 days. Then there were things that are going to happen in 3, 6 and 9 months. Some things I could relate to, others I will have to wait and see.
At the end, there is a question time. I got to ask 3 different questions and the answers to them were very accurate. I asked questions about my kids and things said were spot on and so specific that they could not have been guessed or generalized about.
The whole thing is recorded so I could take home a copy of it and listen to it again. Three holidays in the 8 week period came up. On the way home I was thinking that while I was thinking holidays as in a week away, it could be the three I am doing within the next couple of months. I am going for a night or two to Bryon Bay, a night on the Gold coast for Ryan's girlfriends 21st and we have a week booked on the coast later in November.
I can't wait to see if the things I couldn't relate to, happen. It certainly wasn't one of those readings where everything might or might not mean this or that. It was more this will happen. It came up in the 8 week part that there would be a reunion that I would be involved in. Well this Saturday I am meeting up with girls that I worked with at MBF that I haven't seen for over 20 years.
I came out of there, feeling like OMG. Can't wait to see what Peter thinks. I had the friend whose parent came through listen to it with their partner and both had the same reaction as me and were totally amazed at not only the things pertaining to them, but at how accurate the stuff about my family were.
Thursday, 4 October 2012
Wednesday, 3 October 2012
Mischievous Adventures
This weekend I am going to be catching up with some girls - well women now - that I use to work with 30 odd years ago. So again laying in bed, I started thinking back to that time in my life.
Linda may remember our times on the Gold Coast. We would see a car with some good looking guys in it and follow them. Distance was no barrier, as once we ended up in Pottsville haha.
Then there was the time that I picked up Linda and Kim to take them to the coast for the day and Kim worrying because there was dope on my car floor. This was due to taking a friend to pick up his stash and some of it spilling in the car. Most of it was gone, but I remember Linda and I saying we were going to dust bust it up to keep haha. It was also the weekend that my grandmother died when we were at the beach.
Another friend of mine, Joanne, use to work at Maroochydore police station. We had many adventures together. One weekend I took Karen, a work colleague from MBF up to Cotton Tree for a weekend with Joanne. Jo was telling us that a flasher had been spotted in the area. We were warned by Bob one of the coppers not to go looking. As if we would!!
Well of course we would. Karen, Jo and I sat in the area for ages waiting for the person to turn up. After getting bored, we got up to leave, only to have the guy fishing near us, turn and flash us. Jo screams out, 'bring out the police dogs' and the three of us start running after this guy. Poor thing probably didn't know what had happened. We were running in amongst caravans and cars, calling out to him and laughing so much, we were nearly wetting ourselves. Needless to say he got away, but we sure did have fun for a while.
Holidays and weekends back then, were always a time of adventure. I use to holiday on the Gold Coast with family friends. It was on one such holiday that I went to the beach and came home with a date with an Elvis impersonator. What the hell was I thinking!!
Jo and I decided to go on a mini driving holiday to visit relatives. Our first stop was Munduberra to stay with my auntie. Now anyone who has ever been here, knows that it is a one main street town. We did a pub crawl and by the time we got back home, my auntie knew where we had been and who we had spoken to. From there we went to Biloela to Jo's aunty. On the way there I went to sleep in the car. Jo while driving came across a semi, towing a semi backwards. She thought it would be absolutely hilarious to get up really close behind it and then started to scream waking me up. I just about shit myself, when waking up and seeing what looked like a semi coming straight at us.
One thing was that we never hurt anyone, but just had some good fun and wonderful memories were created. I remember a lot of good times, but too many to write down at this point in time.
Linda may remember our times on the Gold Coast. We would see a car with some good looking guys in it and follow them. Distance was no barrier, as once we ended up in Pottsville haha.
Then there was the time that I picked up Linda and Kim to take them to the coast for the day and Kim worrying because there was dope on my car floor. This was due to taking a friend to pick up his stash and some of it spilling in the car. Most of it was gone, but I remember Linda and I saying we were going to dust bust it up to keep haha. It was also the weekend that my grandmother died when we were at the beach.
Another friend of mine, Joanne, use to work at Maroochydore police station. We had many adventures together. One weekend I took Karen, a work colleague from MBF up to Cotton Tree for a weekend with Joanne. Jo was telling us that a flasher had been spotted in the area. We were warned by Bob one of the coppers not to go looking. As if we would!!
Well of course we would. Karen, Jo and I sat in the area for ages waiting for the person to turn up. After getting bored, we got up to leave, only to have the guy fishing near us, turn and flash us. Jo screams out, 'bring out the police dogs' and the three of us start running after this guy. Poor thing probably didn't know what had happened. We were running in amongst caravans and cars, calling out to him and laughing so much, we were nearly wetting ourselves. Needless to say he got away, but we sure did have fun for a while.
Holidays and weekends back then, were always a time of adventure. I use to holiday on the Gold Coast with family friends. It was on one such holiday that I went to the beach and came home with a date with an Elvis impersonator. What the hell was I thinking!!
Jo and I decided to go on a mini driving holiday to visit relatives. Our first stop was Munduberra to stay with my auntie. Now anyone who has ever been here, knows that it is a one main street town. We did a pub crawl and by the time we got back home, my auntie knew where we had been and who we had spoken to. From there we went to Biloela to Jo's aunty. On the way there I went to sleep in the car. Jo while driving came across a semi, towing a semi backwards. She thought it would be absolutely hilarious to get up really close behind it and then started to scream waking me up. I just about shit myself, when waking up and seeing what looked like a semi coming straight at us.
One thing was that we never hurt anyone, but just had some good fun and wonderful memories were created. I remember a lot of good times, but too many to write down at this point in time.
Surfing the waves
A lot of people, especially carers, suffer from depression. It is something that unless you have really experienced it, you can't fully understand what it is like. It isn't just feeling sad or down. Thinking in bed last night - yeah I know, surprise, surprise at me doing this lol. I was trying to thing of a way to describe what it is like. This is what I came up with ....
Imagine you are a surfer. You paddle out to sit on your board and wait for that perfect wave to come along. As you are sitting there, you are bobbing up and down - this is most peoples life of gentle up and down days.
You see a swell coming and swim madly to catch it. If you are skilled enough, you can ride it to shore, if not you will wipe out. Most people when wiping out, can pick themselves up and swim back out waiting for the next wave and they are fine.
Now someone with depression, when they wipe out, they are trapped under the water and wave after wave keeps crashing down on you and keeping you under the water no matter how hard you are trying to escape. If you are lucky a lifesaver (antidepressant or counselling) will rescue you and help you go back out to the back of the waves.
Over time, the lifesaver just can't help by themselves. They might need to get another swimmer or lifesaver to help them. For some people, after time they won't bother to even get the lifesavers attention and just let the waves take them.
Everyone on the beach watching, will all have different opinions on what you should do instead of surfing over and over. There will be those that tell you to 'just keep going, you can do it, you're strong'. 'It isn't as bad a wipe out as your making it, get over it' will be another.
The thing about all those people on the beach is, that they weren't the ones trapped under the waves. They hadn't run out of breathe or swallowed a mouthful of water and still trapped. It is a lot easier to see from a distance, than to experience.
So after a while of this happening and people giving you their opinions on what you should of done, you learn to leave the surf, pretending it was like water off a ducks back. You carry your board to your car. It doesn't matter if your board feeling like a ton of bricks, you are going to make it look at light as a feather. You pack all your gear away and drive off. Anyone watching would think you had a great time and got over your wipe outs.
What they don't see as you drive out of sight, are the tears that are running down your face. They don't realize that the next day, week or month, you will be back to do it all over again. Yes there will be days that when you go out surfing, you to, will ride the waves to the beach and they will be the memories that make up for the days you totally wipe out.
________________________________________________________________________
Please feel free to share any of the things I write. While some things could be worded better, I tend to put things down on paper and not go back and read them. This is a way to get my thoughts out.
Imagine you are a surfer. You paddle out to sit on your board and wait for that perfect wave to come along. As you are sitting there, you are bobbing up and down - this is most peoples life of gentle up and down days.
You see a swell coming and swim madly to catch it. If you are skilled enough, you can ride it to shore, if not you will wipe out. Most people when wiping out, can pick themselves up and swim back out waiting for the next wave and they are fine.
Now someone with depression, when they wipe out, they are trapped under the water and wave after wave keeps crashing down on you and keeping you under the water no matter how hard you are trying to escape. If you are lucky a lifesaver (antidepressant or counselling) will rescue you and help you go back out to the back of the waves.
Over time, the lifesaver just can't help by themselves. They might need to get another swimmer or lifesaver to help them. For some people, after time they won't bother to even get the lifesavers attention and just let the waves take them.
Everyone on the beach watching, will all have different opinions on what you should do instead of surfing over and over. There will be those that tell you to 'just keep going, you can do it, you're strong'. 'It isn't as bad a wipe out as your making it, get over it' will be another.
The thing about all those people on the beach is, that they weren't the ones trapped under the waves. They hadn't run out of breathe or swallowed a mouthful of water and still trapped. It is a lot easier to see from a distance, than to experience.
So after a while of this happening and people giving you their opinions on what you should of done, you learn to leave the surf, pretending it was like water off a ducks back. You carry your board to your car. It doesn't matter if your board feeling like a ton of bricks, you are going to make it look at light as a feather. You pack all your gear away and drive off. Anyone watching would think you had a great time and got over your wipe outs.
What they don't see as you drive out of sight, are the tears that are running down your face. They don't realize that the next day, week or month, you will be back to do it all over again. Yes there will be days that when you go out surfing, you to, will ride the waves to the beach and they will be the memories that make up for the days you totally wipe out.
________________________________________________________________________
Please feel free to share any of the things I write. While some things could be worded better, I tend to put things down on paper and not go back and read them. This is a way to get my thoughts out.
Monday, 24 September 2012
How my 50 things is going
Wow am getting through a lot of these. I didn't expect to get through half of them, so this is fantastic!
1. Read
3. Go on a holiday, hopefully to Melbourne. I was last there in 1984, so just a few years ago lol
5. Go down another 20kgs (gotten a bit stuck at the moment)
7. Have lunch or dinner at Bretts wharf or Aria Brisbane - Will have to be Aria now as I missed Brett's Wharf
8. Go through the glow worm caves at Springbrook hopefully when the glow fungi is out as well or the fireflies
10. Have a tarot reading - having this done on October 4th
1
15. Go to a zoo
17. Brisbane's koala and river cruise
1
20. Go to Q1 lookout - have my ticket and going in November
21. Get my bonsai started
22. crystal castle at mullumbimby
28. be part of a flash mob - now where does someone find these people
29. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
31. Go on a retreat
34. Swim in the ocean - haven't done this for many many years
36. Spend a night at maleny/montville
37. Hold a snake - to overcome a fear
38. Attend the good food festival
39. feed the homeless - (contacted agencies but none have gotten back to me yet)
40. do a belly dancing class - doing this on October 9th
42. queen mary falls walk
44. host a murder mystery dinner party - this is booked and happening on October 13th
46. Have a games night with friends
48. Trike ride from Gold Coast to Mt Tambourine wineries
49. Ride on a carousel
Wednesday, 12 September 2012
My young adults
Laying in bed last night in a world of pain from my back, I as usual had thoughts of what I should write running through my head. I figured that perhaps before I drop dead, I should write about my kids and tell you about how amazing they are.
Ryan.
As much as I can sometimes complain about Ryan, he is a very remarkable young man. Ryan survives through life by setting goals. There are things he wants to achieve and makes sure he is getting to do them.
Ryan hates to lose control. I guess it comes from having to rely on people for so many things. If you don't do it the way that makes him feel safe, he will soon let you know. But then, when it comes to things that terrify me - Brisbane's wheel for example - he has no fear in doing that.
His carers are often amazed at the wide range of topics that Ryan knows about. He is very social and sees the good in people.
Ryan is very much like his father. I guess that is why they clash so much. But for all their fighting, Ryan really cares about his dad. He will voice to others, the worry that he has over the strain of us caring for him.
Ryan knows what medical intervention he wants in his life, and no one will change his mind, if he doesn't want to.
He loves his family and ends every day when going to sleep by saying "Night mum, love you'.
Jade.
As much as Jade will hate to hear this, she is the most like me.
Jade loves to organize. It doesn't matter if it is work or home, she will be there. Instead of delegating, she finds it easier to 'just do it herself' so it is done right. This in turn leads to her burning out but never admitting it and needing to soldier on.
Jade will tend to go into 'mother-mode', if she thinks you need looking after. She also tries hard to make everyone happy, sometimes to her own detriment. Jade needs to feel needed, but hates feeling needy.
She is scared of what life may hold with loved ones and will find it better to ignore what is happening until confronted face on with it.
Jade will tell you that she doesn't like kids. The truth is, that she was at her happiest when teaching young children to dance. She would come home with tales of how cute this one was, or funny stories that happened in class. Her whole being would light up, as would she when she was performing.
Learning to take time for herself and to stop and smell the roses before life passes her by, would be a good goal for Jade.
Troy.
While Ryan is my outgoing take to everyone child, Jade is my I'm here one, Troy is my quiet sensitive one.
Troy has always hated any attention on him. I think with two big personalities for a brother and sister, he has shied away from that side of things.
Troy was always the adventurer. He was my climber, the one to jump his bike, ride a motorbike and always confident he could do anything.
He will never show his feelings, which has led to me worrying about him the most. If he is upset or hurt, he will retreat to his room and that is the only sign you have.
It also works for how Troy feels about you. His feelings are shown more by his actions. He will do without something he really wants, if you need an item. This he has done with family and friends.
To give an example of the depth of Troy's feelings is to tell stories of him and Ryan. Ryan gave Troy a silver ingot for one of his birthdays - I think it was his 13th. Troy is never without it around his neck. Plus how many brothers would get the others portrait tattooed on them, so they are always with you.
We have often joked over the years about Troy's bubble. In this bubble is Troy and whatever is important to him at the time and the rest of the world goes on outside of it without impacting on him.
My kids have grown up to be wonderful young adults. Many that have had to live through what they have, are not so well adjusted. Jade and Troy have wonderful work ethics and will step in to help, if ever we needed them to.
I am so very proud of them and glad to call them mine.
Ryan.
As much as I can sometimes complain about Ryan, he is a very remarkable young man. Ryan survives through life by setting goals. There are things he wants to achieve and makes sure he is getting to do them.
Ryan hates to lose control. I guess it comes from having to rely on people for so many things. If you don't do it the way that makes him feel safe, he will soon let you know. But then, when it comes to things that terrify me - Brisbane's wheel for example - he has no fear in doing that.
His carers are often amazed at the wide range of topics that Ryan knows about. He is very social and sees the good in people.
Ryan is very much like his father. I guess that is why they clash so much. But for all their fighting, Ryan really cares about his dad. He will voice to others, the worry that he has over the strain of us caring for him.
Ryan knows what medical intervention he wants in his life, and no one will change his mind, if he doesn't want to.
He loves his family and ends every day when going to sleep by saying "Night mum, love you'.
Jade.
As much as Jade will hate to hear this, she is the most like me.
Jade loves to organize. It doesn't matter if it is work or home, she will be there. Instead of delegating, she finds it easier to 'just do it herself' so it is done right. This in turn leads to her burning out but never admitting it and needing to soldier on.
Jade will tend to go into 'mother-mode', if she thinks you need looking after. She also tries hard to make everyone happy, sometimes to her own detriment. Jade needs to feel needed, but hates feeling needy.
She is scared of what life may hold with loved ones and will find it better to ignore what is happening until confronted face on with it.
Jade will tell you that she doesn't like kids. The truth is, that she was at her happiest when teaching young children to dance. She would come home with tales of how cute this one was, or funny stories that happened in class. Her whole being would light up, as would she when she was performing.
Learning to take time for herself and to stop and smell the roses before life passes her by, would be a good goal for Jade.
Troy.
While Ryan is my outgoing take to everyone child, Jade is my I'm here one, Troy is my quiet sensitive one.
Troy has always hated any attention on him. I think with two big personalities for a brother and sister, he has shied away from that side of things.
Troy was always the adventurer. He was my climber, the one to jump his bike, ride a motorbike and always confident he could do anything.
He will never show his feelings, which has led to me worrying about him the most. If he is upset or hurt, he will retreat to his room and that is the only sign you have.
It also works for how Troy feels about you. His feelings are shown more by his actions. He will do without something he really wants, if you need an item. This he has done with family and friends.
To give an example of the depth of Troy's feelings is to tell stories of him and Ryan. Ryan gave Troy a silver ingot for one of his birthdays - I think it was his 13th. Troy is never without it around his neck. Plus how many brothers would get the others portrait tattooed on them, so they are always with you.
We have often joked over the years about Troy's bubble. In this bubble is Troy and whatever is important to him at the time and the rest of the world goes on outside of it without impacting on him.
My kids have grown up to be wonderful young adults. Many that have had to live through what they have, are not so well adjusted. Jade and Troy have wonderful work ethics and will step in to help, if ever we needed them to.
I am so very proud of them and glad to call them mine.
Sunday, 2 September 2012
August
Well what a month!
Started with going to a High Tea for Montrose Access with the two Jades, Colleen, and Jane. Lucky for me that I had let the kids watch TV when they were younger. It meant I could answer a question that no one else knew about Judith McGrath (who was guest speaker), that no one else knew. For that I won a sitting and portrait at Porfyri Photography Annerley. While I could of had the photos done with the family, I decided to be selfish and just have them done of myself. They turned out great and are the only pics of myself that I have seen that I truly like. I got a set of 3 black and white framed, which now proudly hang on the dining room wall.
Peter and I went and saw Jon English in concert at Ipswich Civic Centre. Have loved his music since I was about 12 and have seen him in numerous things over the years, including musicals, plays, concerts and on tv in shows. I think he is one of Australia's most diverse talents, who goes largely unrecognised.
The following week and day prior to my birthday, I went to a play called Ladies Night with Jan, Nicci, Jeanette, Wendy and her friend. We left with our jaws sore from laughing so much and commenting on what may have been accidental late 'light-dimming' moment at the end. We certainly got an eye full haha.
On the day I turned 50, we had Nicci, Brian and Gaanz staying. The kids were all home and we had a bbq dinner. While it was great to have them all there celebrating with me, I was hurt by the fact that my parents, who were travelling from Blackbutt to Port Macquarie for a holiday that day, couldn't take the time to drop in and say happy birthday as they went pass. Instead I got a phone call mid morning to say happy birthday and did I get their card. I told them no and got the reply 'oh well it will turn up in the mail some time'. I got the card with the $30 enclosed - which is better than the clothes I have gotten in the past that are 10 sizes too small and told 'for when you lose weight or you could give it to Jade'.
Saturday I met Chris at Brisbane airport for him to stay the weekend, always great to catch up with how his life is going. We all got to dress up in our best 60's gear and head off to North's for my party.
The only downfall with parties is that you don't get to spend as much time as you want to talk to everyone. Jade had done a great job decorating the place and while there was no cake by orders of me, I got to thank everyone who has helped us over the years.
We did a lot of dancing, which in turn reminded me later that night that I am not 18 and heat packs were used on back and hips and lots of water drunk to help with leg cramps haha. I had a great time and hope that everyone else did as well.
Unfortunately everyone had to leave Sunday and I didn't get to spend enough time with my dear friends. Maybe next time I can lock them all up, so they can't go home lol.
Its my friends that make me feel extremely special and the ones that I can count on. Thank you all so much for your friendships and love.
Now to pull my finger out and get some more items crossed off my list. After all, I only have 4 months to do it in lol.
1. Read50 10 books in the year. Doesn't matter what type but as long as its 50 and I will be able to keep track with my new kindle.
2. Do another cooking class. At least 1 but hopefully 2. So far done 6, one of which was with Jamie Oliver and one on the ship
3. Go on a holiday, hopefully to Melbourne. I was last there in 1984, so just a few years ago lol
4. Go to a horse 'cup' day
5. Go down another 20kgs (gotten a bit stuck at the moment)
6. Get a lot more writing from my autobiography done - Been doing heaps of that
7. Have lunch or dinner at Bretts wharf or Aria Brisbane - Peter's boss said he is taking me for my birthday
8. Go through the glow worm caves at Springbrook hopefully when the glow fungi is out as well or the fireflies
9. Do a charity event - with not a lot of walking done today MDAQ walk
10. Have a tarot reading - have the name of someone really good in Fernvale
11. Go to a musical (booked for Jersey Boys in July)
12. Go to gold class movie
13. Go on a cruise - booked and leaving in April
14. Get a fish - either fighter or gold fish or two. Now have Elvis my blue suede fighting fish
15. Go to a zoo
16. Go to brisbane city markets - doing this with voucher from birthday
17. Brisbane's koala and river cruise
18. Toowoomba carnival of flowers
19. Attend a dawn service
20. Go to Q1 lookout - got a voucher for this for my birthday
21. Get my bonsai started
22. crystal castle at mullumbimby
23. finish a crocheted rug. I start them all the time, just never finish
24. have a facial Have had a couple now
25. have a massage
26. try a new food Tried dragon fruit and poppadoms and some vegetarian dishes so far and now macaroons
27. aqua aerobics classes. Done and going to do more
28. be part of a flash mob - now where does someone find these people
29. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
30. Get family tree in order - got heaps of this done
31. Go on a retreat
32. Go to the comedy club
33. Play blackjack at the casino - done and won
34. Swim in the ocean - haven't done this for many many years
35. Go to an opera or listen or an opera singer - realized I had already done this
36. Spend a night at maleny/montville
37. Hold a snake - to overcome a fear (Went on the Brisbane wheel to overcome fear of heights but had to get off, so only went around once. Never again lol )
38. Attend the good food festival
39. feed the homeless - was looking into this a couple of months ago but didn't do anything about it. (contacted agencies but none have gotten back to me yet)
40. do a belly dancing class - well I have enough belly to wobble haha
41. try a new drink tried lots of new ones now lol
42. queen mary falls walk
43. drink a cocktail done and dusted
44. host a murder mystery dinner party - have the game here, now to organize
45. Put $5 a day into money box - use it for something special at the end of the year. - been doing this
46. Have a games night with friends
47. Put $50 on black at the casino for my first and only bet at the table. and won
48. Trike ride from Gold Coast to Mt Tambourine wineries
49. Ride on a carousel
50. Have a kick arse birthday party (venue, dj, food sorted. Decorations started)
Started with going to a High Tea for Montrose Access with the two Jades, Colleen, and Jane. Lucky for me that I had let the kids watch TV when they were younger. It meant I could answer a question that no one else knew about Judith McGrath (who was guest speaker), that no one else knew. For that I won a sitting and portrait at Porfyri Photography Annerley. While I could of had the photos done with the family, I decided to be selfish and just have them done of myself. They turned out great and are the only pics of myself that I have seen that I truly like. I got a set of 3 black and white framed, which now proudly hang on the dining room wall.
Peter and I went and saw Jon English in concert at Ipswich Civic Centre. Have loved his music since I was about 12 and have seen him in numerous things over the years, including musicals, plays, concerts and on tv in shows. I think he is one of Australia's most diverse talents, who goes largely unrecognised.
The following week and day prior to my birthday, I went to a play called Ladies Night with Jan, Nicci, Jeanette, Wendy and her friend. We left with our jaws sore from laughing so much and commenting on what may have been accidental late 'light-dimming' moment at the end. We certainly got an eye full haha.
On the day I turned 50, we had Nicci, Brian and Gaanz staying. The kids were all home and we had a bbq dinner. While it was great to have them all there celebrating with me, I was hurt by the fact that my parents, who were travelling from Blackbutt to Port Macquarie for a holiday that day, couldn't take the time to drop in and say happy birthday as they went pass. Instead I got a phone call mid morning to say happy birthday and did I get their card. I told them no and got the reply 'oh well it will turn up in the mail some time'. I got the card with the $30 enclosed - which is better than the clothes I have gotten in the past that are 10 sizes too small and told 'for when you lose weight or you could give it to Jade'.
Saturday I met Chris at Brisbane airport for him to stay the weekend, always great to catch up with how his life is going. We all got to dress up in our best 60's gear and head off to North's for my party.
The only downfall with parties is that you don't get to spend as much time as you want to talk to everyone. Jade had done a great job decorating the place and while there was no cake by orders of me, I got to thank everyone who has helped us over the years.
We did a lot of dancing, which in turn reminded me later that night that I am not 18 and heat packs were used on back and hips and lots of water drunk to help with leg cramps haha. I had a great time and hope that everyone else did as well.
Unfortunately everyone had to leave Sunday and I didn't get to spend enough time with my dear friends. Maybe next time I can lock them all up, so they can't go home lol.
Its my friends that make me feel extremely special and the ones that I can count on. Thank you all so much for your friendships and love.
Now to pull my finger out and get some more items crossed off my list. After all, I only have 4 months to do it in lol.
1. Read
3. Go on a holiday, hopefully to Melbourne. I was last there in 1984, so just a few years ago lol
5. Go down another 20kgs (gotten a bit stuck at the moment)
7. Have lunch or dinner at Bretts wharf or Aria Brisbane - Peter's boss said he is taking me for my birthday
8. Go through the glow worm caves at Springbrook hopefully when the glow fungi is out as well or the fireflies
10. Have a tarot reading - have the name of someone really good in Fernvale
1
15. Go to a zoo
16. Go to brisbane city markets - doing this with voucher from birthday
17. Brisbane's koala and river cruise
18. Toowoomba carnival of flowers
1
20. Go to Q1 lookout - got a voucher for this for my birthday
21. Get my bonsai started
22. crystal castle at mullumbimby
28. be part of a flash mob - now where does someone find these people
29. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
31. Go on a retreat
34. Swim in the ocean - haven't done this for many many years
36. Spend a night at maleny/montville
37. Hold a snake - to overcome a fear (Went on the Brisbane wheel to overcome fear of heights but had to get off, so only went around once. Never again lol )
38. Attend the good food festival
39. feed the homeless - was looking into this a couple of months ago but didn't do anything about it. (contacted agencies but none have gotten back to me yet)
40. do a belly dancing class - well I have enough belly to wobble haha
42. queen mary falls walk
44. host a murder mystery dinner party - have the game here, now to organize
46. Have a games night with friends
48. Trike ride from Gold Coast to Mt Tambourine wineries
49. Ride on a carousel
Monday, 20 August 2012
End of a decade
Don't you just hate those early mornings, when for whatever reason you wake and your mind starts racing? This morning was one of those for me. No matter how much I tried to turn off my brain and go back to sleep, it was equally determined to keep going.
I don't even know why these thoughts were in my head, maybe it was triggered by a dream or a subconscious memory. Whatever the cause, it was not going to go until I got up to put it on paper.... well on computer screen.
So what is it that makes sleep evasive? I guess you would call it a reflection of the past 10 years. Yes, as I am about to enter my fifties, I was remembering the last decade.
While my 20's were mainly full of happiness and my 30's a blur, my 40's have been full of some of my highest highs and lowest lows and greatest achievements (apart from my kids).
Ten years ago I joined an online forum with the name of emailcash (emc). This forum was later going to give me some of my greatest support and dearest of friends to enter my life.
At the age of 42 and Ryan being nearly 16, he had to have rods inserted in his back. We were told that there was a 2% chance that he would lose any movement that he had. Pfffft what is 2%, nothing really but yet more than you can ever imagine.
Ryan was able to feed himself, move his arms - not with full movement, but enough to do the things he wanted to do. He had head control and could be transferred easily. He could be laying on his side and roll onto his back. This is what 2% looks like! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Ryan was booked in to have the op. My plan was to stay with him until he went into theatre, then come home, to return when the op was finished 7 hours later. But the doctors told me that I wasn't going to be allowed to leave and had to stay at the hospital, just in case.
So to the rescue the faceless people of EMC. A lovely woman with the online name of tauruschild, came and sat with me the whole time that Ryan was in theatre. Another by the name of pozzie, took updates to inform those online. They kept my nerves in check and me sane.
Two weeks after coming out, Ryan was back in. His back had opened up and it needed to be opened right up and cleaned out. This is when I first got to meet Floyd face to face. He took Peter and I to dinner near the hospital while Ryan was in theatre. Another stint in icu and on the ward and then Ryan was home again.
Once recovery was over, then we found he had none of the previous movement that he was capable of.
This, then led to a spiral of me punishing myself. While as a mother of a DMD boy, you can have genetic tests that say your not a carer, but that it was a mutant egg that cause it. You still have the guilt that you had the mutant egg. Yes I know that doesn't make sense, but no one said things had to be rational. So each set back for him, you feel guilt, then punish yourself.
So this led me at around 44, by my doctor telling me, that if I didn't do something soon, that I wouldn't see 50. So after 32 years of smoking, I gave up - cold turkey. I was quite proud of myself. Not long after, I had the worse asthma attack of my life. See what healthy living does for you lol.
I ended up in the Wesley for around 10 days. Afterwards the specialist told me, that when I was admitted, he had thought I would never leave alive. Again the people of emc were there to visit and ring with offers of help.
Now it was also around this time (or maybe a year or so before) that I took over secret santa on emc. In September each year, people would sign up to send a gift or card to another person. A co-ordinator would give you a name and address of someone to send to. I did this for 5 years and it gave me a great senses of achievement. By the time I stopped, there were over 300 people participating and thousands of cards being sent around the country.
Doing this, meant that I got to know people even better than I would of. I haven't been on the forum for years, but still have those that I got close to, in my life.
Anyway, back to my hospital stint. After getting out I had to go for a sleep study which showed I had sleep apnoea. I started to punish myself in a new way - eating. My weight went up to 167kg. Then one day I had chest pains and ended up going by ambulance to Ipswich hospital, who then sent me by ambulance to ccu at the Wesley.
Again a specialist there said to lose weight or die. So that led me to having lapband and losing 60kgs so far.
Doing that has meant that I have been able to get off the steroids for my asthma, my blood pressure medication and my diabetes is constantly in a normal range.
3 years ago I was able to go on a road trip with Jade and meet some of those from EMC that supported me through those times. I could do so much more than ever before.
Last year I did a charity walk and this year is full of doing all those things that you keep saying 'I should do that one day'.
While my 40's may have started and possibly ended early, through determination and life changes, I am getting to see it through to my 50's. From writing a lot of my thoughts and feelings down, I am finding new ways to deal with life.
I have so many people in my life that I am grateful for - Jan, Colleen, Veronica, Kerrie who are the family I choose and who have been there for me. The emc crowd, who are no longer faceless to me, but another source of strength. I am blessed to have you all in my life. These people have been through the good and the bad, they don't judge me, or expect me to behave in certain way. They accept me for who I am - warts and all.
So now I embark onto my journey of the nifty fifties. I am sure it will have its ups and downs, but I also know that I will come out fighting and enjoying it as much as possible.
I don't even know why these thoughts were in my head, maybe it was triggered by a dream or a subconscious memory. Whatever the cause, it was not going to go until I got up to put it on paper.... well on computer screen.
So what is it that makes sleep evasive? I guess you would call it a reflection of the past 10 years. Yes, as I am about to enter my fifties, I was remembering the last decade.
While my 20's were mainly full of happiness and my 30's a blur, my 40's have been full of some of my highest highs and lowest lows and greatest achievements (apart from my kids).
Ten years ago I joined an online forum with the name of emailcash (emc). This forum was later going to give me some of my greatest support and dearest of friends to enter my life.
At the age of 42 and Ryan being nearly 16, he had to have rods inserted in his back. We were told that there was a 2% chance that he would lose any movement that he had. Pfffft what is 2%, nothing really but yet more than you can ever imagine.
Ryan was able to feed himself, move his arms - not with full movement, but enough to do the things he wanted to do. He had head control and could be transferred easily. He could be laying on his side and roll onto his back. This is what 2% looks like! But I am getting ahead of myself.
Ryan was booked in to have the op. My plan was to stay with him until he went into theatre, then come home, to return when the op was finished 7 hours later. But the doctors told me that I wasn't going to be allowed to leave and had to stay at the hospital, just in case.
So to the rescue the faceless people of EMC. A lovely woman with the online name of tauruschild, came and sat with me the whole time that Ryan was in theatre. Another by the name of pozzie, took updates to inform those online. They kept my nerves in check and me sane.
Two weeks after coming out, Ryan was back in. His back had opened up and it needed to be opened right up and cleaned out. This is when I first got to meet Floyd face to face. He took Peter and I to dinner near the hospital while Ryan was in theatre. Another stint in icu and on the ward and then Ryan was home again.
Once recovery was over, then we found he had none of the previous movement that he was capable of.
This, then led to a spiral of me punishing myself. While as a mother of a DMD boy, you can have genetic tests that say your not a carer, but that it was a mutant egg that cause it. You still have the guilt that you had the mutant egg. Yes I know that doesn't make sense, but no one said things had to be rational. So each set back for him, you feel guilt, then punish yourself.
So this led me at around 44, by my doctor telling me, that if I didn't do something soon, that I wouldn't see 50. So after 32 years of smoking, I gave up - cold turkey. I was quite proud of myself. Not long after, I had the worse asthma attack of my life. See what healthy living does for you lol.
I ended up in the Wesley for around 10 days. Afterwards the specialist told me, that when I was admitted, he had thought I would never leave alive. Again the people of emc were there to visit and ring with offers of help.
Now it was also around this time (or maybe a year or so before) that I took over secret santa on emc. In September each year, people would sign up to send a gift or card to another person. A co-ordinator would give you a name and address of someone to send to. I did this for 5 years and it gave me a great senses of achievement. By the time I stopped, there were over 300 people participating and thousands of cards being sent around the country.
Doing this, meant that I got to know people even better than I would of. I haven't been on the forum for years, but still have those that I got close to, in my life.
Anyway, back to my hospital stint. After getting out I had to go for a sleep study which showed I had sleep apnoea. I started to punish myself in a new way - eating. My weight went up to 167kg. Then one day I had chest pains and ended up going by ambulance to Ipswich hospital, who then sent me by ambulance to ccu at the Wesley.
Again a specialist there said to lose weight or die. So that led me to having lapband and losing 60kgs so far.
Doing that has meant that I have been able to get off the steroids for my asthma, my blood pressure medication and my diabetes is constantly in a normal range.
3 years ago I was able to go on a road trip with Jade and meet some of those from EMC that supported me through those times. I could do so much more than ever before.
Last year I did a charity walk and this year is full of doing all those things that you keep saying 'I should do that one day'.
While my 40's may have started and possibly ended early, through determination and life changes, I am getting to see it through to my 50's. From writing a lot of my thoughts and feelings down, I am finding new ways to deal with life.
I have so many people in my life that I am grateful for - Jan, Colleen, Veronica, Kerrie who are the family I choose and who have been there for me. The emc crowd, who are no longer faceless to me, but another source of strength. I am blessed to have you all in my life. These people have been through the good and the bad, they don't judge me, or expect me to behave in certain way. They accept me for who I am - warts and all.
So now I embark onto my journey of the nifty fifties. I am sure it will have its ups and downs, but I also know that I will come out fighting and enjoying it as much as possible.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)