Friendship

Do you remember when you were a kid; people back then just use to call into visit friends and relatives. These days, that seems to be something that has died. Now it seems to be that you have to ask someone over or arrange to catch up.

I know your asking yourself, 'why is she bringing this up?'. Well let me tell you.

Last week, I had the pleasure of two lovely ladies calling in to visit me. I haven't know these women long and was so touched, that they took the time out of their lives to visit me. To be honest, I think I was more surprised than anything.

I have a couple of friends that do visit, but 99.9% of the time, its more that we have prearranged for them to visit, rather than a spur of the moment thing.

Being stuck at home with Ryan, its more a wear myself out, meeting up with people when he is out or in respite. Don't get me wrong, I love catching up with people, its just that I have less free time than someone that works full time. I can't take a sick day or 4 weeks holiday a year or any other benefits that people get these days.

When I was a kid - yes, back in the dark ages. Most people didn't have phones in their home, mobiles weren't invented and neither was email, messenger or any other form of electronic communication. So if you were going to visit someone, you had the choice of dropping in, or writing a letter and posting it, to say you were visiting.

Due to this technology, people now stay in touch by sms, email, phone etc. The art of seeing people face to face, is becoming a dying skill.

I suppose the other thing that went through my mind, was that I didn't think I was that nice to want to go out of their way to visit. I don't mean not nice as in nasty, but more that I get carried away when I see people and just talk and talk and talk and forget to let others talk as well. I think its the craving for adult company that sends me that way.

So to these women I say "Thank you!" What you did that day - even though it might have only been a small thing to you - made me feel extremely special. To know that I had only known you for a short time, but that you took the time for me, really mad my day.

People get out and visit your friends, don't tell them you are coming (or do), but think of someone in your life, who may be home with children, parents or illness. Get out and see them, and make them feel as special as I did.

Policies

Today my mission is to decide which of the fools running for the State election deserves my vote. So in saying that, I have sent the following email to them...

Hi,

With all the crap going on in Federal politics, the Qld election is getting a bit lost. I am wanting to know, what policies you will look to bring into place to help carers?

As a background –

We have a 23 year old son with Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy. The only movement in his whole body is very small moves of his hands. This means he can drive his electric chair and use the computer, using the on screen keyboard. His mind and speech are the same as any young man his age.

We do not have any hour of the day or night that we don’t need to do something for him. If he wants to be fed, toileted, arms or legs moved, scratched etc, we have to do it. On a good night, he will get rolled every hour, on a bad night, it can be every 20mins.

What we receive is 2 hours personal care 4 nights a week, 1 day of 7 hours, that Ryan uses to go out with a carer to see friends, job search etc, and we have 2 nights that we have carers come in from 11pm to 6am so we can get some sleep and this we contribute out of our pockets to.

So out of 168 hours a week that we have to give care, we get 29 hours help. Not much is it?

We are getting older, having trouble keeping up care and everywhere we turn for help, we are told they don’t have enough funding.

So my question is, what are you going to do, to help carers like us?

Thank you

Kerrie Czernia

Lets see who replies and what the response is. I am sick of ringing up and being told 'No, we can't help'. It's not even much we have been asking for - 2 hours a fortnight. 

The older we get, the less help we get and the harder it gets. 

It is time they started to look after carers, who for many documented years, have problems with back, arthritis, depression and a whole host of conditions. For the sake of an extra couple of thousand a year, they could save thousands through Medicare on carer illness. 

I want to pinch myself.

I am sitting here and my inside feel like they won't stay still and there is just so much nervous energy flowing through my body. My whole body - legs, arms, chest and stomach is like this. I just want to pinch myself to make sure it hurts and is real.

Why? Because one of my dreams is coming true. Let me start at this morning.

Today started off as a pretty shitty type of day. I had an argument with Foxtel, was tired and cranky. I then received a phone call from Montrose, saying that due to Ryan going in there in April and the following week being ANZAC day, that they would let the boys stay in over the weekend until the Tuesday the following week.

As soon as we heard that, we rang MDAQ and asked about them helping with the cruise we had spoken to them about. They confirmed they could get someone to look after Ryan on the Sunday until he went into Montrose on the Monday.

We then rang the travel agent and asked about the cruise that week. There was 1 cabin left on the outside and it was reduced in price and a $200 onboard credit. We grabbed it. Ryan's carers worked out and once paid for, the excitement has set in.

We haven't had a holiday away with just the two of us, for over 20 years. We have had the once a year night or two down the coast, but nothing like this. I just feel that this is going to be a year to remember.

This will cross off another thing on my list and the week we get back will cross off another when I attend a dawn service.

Life might begin at 40, but for this little black duck its 50!!!

Update of 50 things for 50 years.

Just putting up my list again so I don't lose it.

1. Read 50 40 books in the year. Doesn't matter what type but as long as its 50 and I will be able to keep track with my new kindle.
2. Do another cooking class. At least 1 but hopefully 2. 
3. Go on a holiday, hopefully to Melbourne. I was last there in 1984, so just a few years ago lol
4. Go to a horse 'cup' day
5. Go down another 20kgs
6. Get a lot more writing from my autobiography done - Been doing heaps of that
7. Have lunch or dinner at Bretts wharf or Aria Brisbane
8. Go through the glow worm caves at Springbrook hopefully when the glow fungi is out as well or the fireflies
9. Do a charity event - with not a lot of walking (am doing the MD walk, so much for not walking lol)
10. Have a tarot reading
11. Go to a musical (booked for Jersey Boys in July)
12. Go to gold class movie
13. Go on a cruise - probably won't happen but you never know
14. Get a fish - either fighter or gold fish or two. When I was single I had 2 goldfish, 1 black and 1 gold called Abraham and Lincoln lol
15. Go to a zoo
16. Go to brisbane city markets
17. Brisbane's koala and river cruise
18. Toowoomba carnival of flowers
19. Attend a dawn service
20. Go to Q1 lookout
21. Have a flying lesson - Changing this to do the flight stimulation first, then maybe a flying lesson
22. crystal castle at mullumbimby
23. do a cross stitch
24. have a facial
25. have a massage
26. try a new food
27. aqua aerobics classes
28. be part of a flash mob - now where does someone find these people
29. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
30. Get family tree in order - got heaps of this done
31. Go on a retreat
32. Go to the comedy club - got tickets, just have to find someone to look after Ryan or go when he is in Montrose
33. Play blackjack at the casino - must remember to take extra shirt to lose since I have never played it lol
34. Swim in the ocean - haven't done this for many many years
35. Go to an opera or listen or an opera singer - don't know if I could sit through a whole opera.
36. Spend a night at maleny/montville
37. Hold a snake - to overcome a fear (Went on the Brisbane wheel to overcome fear of heights but had to get off, so only went around once. Never again lol )
38. Attend the good food festival
39. feed the homeless - was looking into this a couple of months ago but didn't do anything about it. (contacted agencies but none have gotten back to me yet)
40. do a belly dancing class - well I have enough belly to wobble haha
41. try a new drink
42. queen mary falls walk
43. drink a cocktail - last cocktail was in about 1979 and it was a fluffy duck and its the only one I have ever tasted.
44. host a murder mystery dinner party - have the game here, now to organize
45. Put $5 a day into money box - use it for something special at the end of the year. - been doing this 
46. Have a games night with friends
47. Put $50 on black at the casino for my first and only bet at the table.
48. Trike ride from Gold Coast to Mt Tamborine wineries
49. Ride on a carousel
50. Have a kick arse birthday party


Have tried a lot of new foods, gone for a ride on the green bike rickshaws in Brisbane, got a new camera to stay in bag and take pics of the year. Also have another cooking class this week

Please don't see me!!

Reading a book at the moment that is quite funny. One part likens going into Maccas on a par with going into a sex shop or strip joint - you don't want anyone to see you.

Again my little brain starts ticking over and my fat thoughts come into play. I thought I would give you an insight into how a fat brain thinks.

Its okay to arrange to meet friends for coffee at Maccas. After all, with friends around you aren't going to order the double quarter pounder, with giant fries and large soft drink and large sundae. No your going to have a coffee, maybe even a mugaccino and if you indulge the smallest size cake from McCafe. If anyone sees you, then its okay: You're there with your friends.

Now if your calling in by yourself, that is a whole different matter. It doesn't matter if your just going to buy a bottle of water. You will more than likely use the drive through, as it gives you the best chance to get away before anyone sees you. If you do walk inside, your head is down so that eye contact cannot be made. You feel like everyone is wondering 'why is the fat girl here'.

Thinking about it, it is probably more comfortable walking into a sex shop. You never run into anyone you know there haha.

Doing the grocery shopping is an art. You can hide anything that isn't healthy under your fruit and veggies. And if you have enough experience, you can make the pile look like its only fresh food in your trolley. At the checkout you will try to get it on and off the conveyor belt asap. It doesn't even matter if its not for you, but someone else in your family. Everyone will think its yours.

I think fat people that turn thin should become super sleuths. They have had years of practice in camouflage and disguise.

How many larger people that you know, will say 'I shouldn't have this' or 'I am trying to watch what I eat'? They say this because that is what they think you are thinking and they want to get in first. A skinny person saying this to you, gives the impression of 'I am like this because this is how I think and if you did, then you would be thin as well'.

Its not just food you know. Lets take shopping for underwear. This is probably the best way to explain to thin people, how fatties think. You need to buy a new pair of knickers. You pick up a pair of nice Lacy ones or something in bright pretty colours. You don't really care who sees them, no matter what size they are. But then you go shopping for the big, Bridget Jones, suck them in and push it in undies. Now you don't want anyone to think you are wearing these, so normally hide them under some other purchases or your handbag. If you did happen to run into someone you knew, who just happened to see those undies, you would make some joke about them to cover up your embarrassment.

People will say that fatties shouldn't think like that. Here is something that happened this morning and happens quite often to me.

I had done an online health assessment with my health fund and they ring to see if they can give you any information to you on things that you have wrong. The woman that rang this morning started off with my asthma, then said about my weight. Did I know that a healthy bmi is this and that overweight is this and that I am in the very overweight range and how did I feel about that? My reply was yes I knew all that and that my bmi now being under 50 was good. I told her that I had lost 60 kgs so far. Her reply to that wasn't 'good on you, and are you still losing', it was ' well you need to be down to this amount and how are you going to do that?'

After getting off the weight side of things, came blood pressure. She said that mine being 121/71 was fine, but being overweight wouldn't be helping that and losing weight I could get off blood pressure medication. I told her I wasn't on any blood pressure medication (earlier in the week when I went in for tests in hospital, they kept asking me if I was sure I wasn't on any. Duh I know what goes in my mouth.). So she went on to say that if I didn't lose the weight I would have to take medication.

She asked about cholesterol and when I said it was in the high end of normal range, she again went on about my weight and that I should go and see someone about my cholesterol. The same with diabetes. I said its like I don't have it any more and its diet controlled. So again with the losing weight.

This is a normal occurrence for an overweight person. People will assume that because you are overweight you have high blood pressure, diabetes and that you don't eat properly. They don't bother to ask questions first - a simple 'has your weight been stable for the last  6 months?' - would tell them a lot more than what they presume to know. Yes a lot do have these problems and a lot are doing something about it to reverse these problems. So ask first before you make the person your talking to feel like they are a failure.

Life is like ....

No truer words have ever been spoken, than the famous line from Forest Gump - Life was like a box of chocolates, you never know what your going to get.

This is one of my favourite movies. The life lessons are all through the movie, if you take your time to really watch it. But the above line is one of my favourites.

When you are at school, you most likely had 1 of 2 dreams. Either to get married and have kids, or to get a job, get rich quickly and travel. Now I have to say, looking back at the people I went to school with, well not many are rich. Some have done a little travel. One or two have done a lot of travel.

Now with those that dreamt of getting married and having kids, how many did life turn out like they thought? I bet not many.

My story was like that. I was going to backpack around the world, but never seemed to have the money to do so. I did have driving holidays that I loved doing.

When Peter and I got married the plan was for me to work a few years, then have 4 kids. Well we got married in June, got told in July that I might have to have a hysterectomy, but luckily at that stage they just took an ovary. But it meant starting to try for kids then.

We both had problems with fertility, so had to use fertility drugs. Three miscarriages and over 3 years later, we had Ryan. We started fertility drugs straight away and in less than 6 months, had an ectopic pregnancy. Again drugs and we had Jade. We decided that our 4 kids, would just be 2.

We had already decided that when the kids were older, they would be attending Sacred Heart School and that we would move back to the Sunshine Coast before they started high school.

Again life changed. I fell pregnant with Troy - our little miracle - then Ryan was diagnosed and we had to rethink schooling for them all. We also had to work out if moving back to the coast was the right thing to do or whether staying closer to specialist was better.

So instead of moving to the coast, we sold and built a house that would suit a wheelchair and be near the school that the kids would be going to. Instead of me going back to work, when the kids were at school. I had to be at home, to be able to go to specialists and therapist appointments. Oh and I did end up having that hysterectomy at 30.

With your kids, you plan on what activities they are going to do. I always said that I wasn't going to have a daughter who did dancing. Mainly because some I went to school with that did it, were a bit snobby. Well I bet its not surprise to hear that Jade danced for around 17 years.

I pictured Troy playing football. Well he played soccer and found success with tenpin bowling. But I do have a daughter that works at a football club. Guess that counts haha.

You think your kids will be at home until they get married and leave (and hopefully that is before they are 25), but that doesn't happen either. You imagine travelling when your older and having the money to have freedom to do what you want.

You learn along the way, that other couples on $100,000 or $200,000 a year or more, are no happier than you on your $40,000 a year. They also had their life planned out beforehand and had to change along the way.

So in reality, just about every damn chocolate you pick from that box, is in the wrong wrapper. And yes you will feel disappointed that it isn't the one you were expecting, but you adjust your thinking and enjoy the one you have.

People watching

While out and about today, I witnessed a guy riding a trike into the car park. This guy only had one arm. Thinking to myself, how wonderful it was that he could still ride and more than likely enjoy it. 

As I was leaving an hour or so later I passed his trike. His number plate was 'ugly'. I immediately thought 'how sad'. I wonder if that is how he sees himself? To me, I saw someone who was brave and enjoying life. 

It then brings me to one of my favourite hobbies when out - people watching. 

You can do it as you walk around, or sit in a shopping centre or park. I like to look at people and imagine what their life is like. 

One day I was at a restaurant and their was this old couple having lunch. The woman had trouble speaking and couldn't feed herself. The man with her - who I imagined was her husband - fed her and wiped her mouth after eating. He was very loving and caring with her and it was as if no one else in the world was there. You could see the love he had for her. It was very moving and you felt a bit like an interloper witnessing it. I imaged that they lived in their own little cocoon all their lives, madly in love.

When people watching, you can make up widely exaggerated stories about them. You might see a worn out mother dragging her screaming brat along and imagine she is going to get him home and gag him while he is tied up on the lounge, so that she can sit in peace and enjoy a cup of coffee. and sigh. 

You could imagine that the homeless man that you saw outside the art gallery, was really the artist wanting to see reactions to his work. The snooty woman, who pushed in front of everyone at the store, probably goes home to a household that ignores and pushes her around. 

So maybe the guy today, didn't think he was ugly, but it was just sad thinking that he might.