Just home from fill. Now you all know with me if something is going to go wrong it will haha.
Had appointment for 1.30 to have the fill done by x-ray. Go in and the Dr was held up coming from Gatton so was going to be 40 mins late. No big deal.
Anyway time comes and in I go. They put this metal disc on my stomach to get it over the center of the port. They couldn’t find their normal marker so just used a whiteboard one. She then gives a local to the area to numb it. See all is good so far.
She then puts the needle in and using x-ray make sure it is center of port, no worries. Then presses to put needle in. Stubborn thing didn’t want to go in and was bending over the port. After trying a few different things they finally get it in and insert the 5ml that the specialist wanted in. So far, so good.
They then stand me up with the machine and get me to take a mouthful of water, then another. Well it decided it wasn’t going anywhere. They then thought to give me some aniseed stuff to drink that would show up on the x-ray to see if it was going thru.
So here I am, standing on this tiny platform that when the table is flat makes up the bed end, with a cup of gunk in one hand and a sick bag that folds out in the other because that water couldn’t decide if it was going up or down.
I had a mouthful of the gunk and everyone (there was 3 in the room apart from me) stood watching it going up and down my esophagus. All were quite amazed, well that was all except for me who was standing there wanting to just let it all come up and over them. Every 30 seconds or so on the screen you would see this little squirt go thru the band. Looked a bit like an octopus expelling its ink.
After consultation between them all, they thought they would ring the specialist and see what he wanted to do. Well stupid man hadn’t written the instructions or explained things to me very well. Apparently from the operation there was 2ml in the band and he wanted it made up to 5ml.
He gave them 2 options, taking it out and starting again, or inserting the needle back in, while it was in stand me up to have a drink and withdraw fluid until whatever I was drinking was going thru properly. No one was comfortable with number 2 option so it was number 1. Only problem was the white board marker had rubbed off so having to start from scratch and while they withdrew all the fluid in the band it has all turned out a bit weird. They took all the fluid out and you would expect there to be 7 mls – the original 2 and the 5 today, but nooooooooo there was 9mls. So 5mls went back in and now I will just have to wait and see how I go. Lol.
Oh and because of standing up after the first go, the port moved to a different area so have 2 holes and Band-Aids on me haha.
Tomorrow at 1.30 I get my band tightened. Am getting very nervous about it. It will be the start of another new journey of discovery.
I have to go on a couple of days of liquid food, so back to optifast. Then it will be trial and error as to what foods I can eat. I can tell you that I will be very careful about what goes in my mouth as I hate throwing up.... yeah I know, too much info.
So stay turned to how I go when I finally have some fill in this band. lol.
I have to go on a couple of days of liquid food, so back to optifast. Then it will be trial and error as to what foods I can eat. I can tell you that I will be very careful about what goes in my mouth as I hate throwing up.... yeah I know, too much info.
So stay turned to how I go when I finally have some fill in this band. lol.
Well I was warned this would happen just before getting the band tightened and being able to eat more.... I have stayed the same.
Can't wait until Monday and getting the band tightened.
Now Peter went deep sea fishing yesterday and I have heaps of fish in the freezer now. I worked out one of the fish cooked up would do me for a whole week of meals twice a day haha.
Have I told you about wind before? Just can't remember. When you have the band you get more wind. You also get lots of intesional noises because your not eating as much, but the wind is the main thing. Now I am not talking about little sneaky farts or burps. NOOOOOOOOOO everyone within a 10 mile radius knows when you have expelled wind. I am sure I have seen the roof lift off the house at times lol.
Ok too much info, but this is my life haha.
Can't wait until Monday and getting the band tightened.
Now Peter went deep sea fishing yesterday and I have heaps of fish in the freezer now. I worked out one of the fish cooked up would do me for a whole week of meals twice a day haha.
Have I told you about wind before? Just can't remember. When you have the band you get more wind. You also get lots of intesional noises because your not eating as much, but the wind is the main thing. Now I am not talking about little sneaky farts or burps. NOOOOOOOOOO everyone within a 10 mile radius knows when you have expelled wind. I am sure I have seen the roof lift off the house at times lol.
Ok too much info, but this is my life haha.
I had the dietician this morning. Now that my band has had time to cement itself in place I can change my eating habits.
I now don’t have to just have ½ cup of food. I can have around a cup. I am to have the following: -
4 serves bread/cereals
1 serve starchy veggies (2 cups others)
3 fruit serves
1 ½ dairy
1 protein
1 other.
The other is things like butter, margarine, 3 hot chips, 3 squares chocolate, etc a day. Or I can have it as 7 serves on 1 day a week.
He is happy with my weight loss. I have been a bit ho hum about it the last few days, as its stopped atm and I just want it moving down lol.
He has given me a list of problem food: - fresh bread, skin on fruit, carrots and corn, steak, el dente pasta etc that I might not be able to tolerate. Its all trial and error as to what goes down and what doesn’t.
After my fill he said the hole the food goes thru is around 5mm so that is how fine food must be chewed.
This year I did a course in mindfulness. One part of that was doing Shibashi, which I really enjoyed. I haven’t been able to get a DVD of it at the moment so got a Tai Chi one instead.
Now anyone that tells you this is a gentle, easy exercise is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO wrong. Haha. 18 minutes of it (that’s how long the exercises on it goes for) is much more physically demanding that 30 or 40 minutes on the treadmill.
To be honest, they aren’t hard to do and are gentle on your body since there are no jumping or fast movements. But doing things slow and controlled is a lot harder. I do enjoy it though but have to remember with both it and the treadmill to warm up properly. My back is giving me grief of a morning now.
On the food side, I can say I think the swelling on my band has gone down as when I have my ½ cup of food for a meal I am hungry again not long after. Have the dietician on Tuesday and only a week tomorrow until my fill. Woohooo.
I am also thinking of changing surgeons for the fills. With mine I just haven’t been happy with him since the op. He told me he would ring Peter to let him know how the op went and didn’t, he was suppose to come and see me the day after the op in hospital for discharge and didn’t, just rang and said to them to send me home. When I had my post op appointment he was 2 ½ hours late – I don’t have a problem with that – but everyone was then just given around 5 minutes to see him. It was rush in, felt my stomach, didn’t even look at my scars until I said could he look at one that I was concerned about. Weighed me and gave me the form to go to the x-ray place to get my fill in 3 weeks and come back in 3 months. We had no chance to really ask any questions and in fact were asking some as we were being escorted to the door. I think I will give him one more chance and if I am not happy with it change. Others that I know that have been to him haven’t had this problem.
Well finding out what things just don't seem to agree and plonk themselves in my stomach.
Store bought lasagne. Not enough meat sauce and it just sat like a lead balloon.
Chicken skin. One way to make sure you take the skin off haha.
Otherwise things aren't going too bad. Struggling with doing the exercise. Think I need an exercise buddy or buddies to do it with me so I have to do it. Am going to do some tai chi today though. I really enjoy it.
Oh and looky ^^^^ 17 kgs since May 1st, not too shabby hey. :)
Store bought lasagne. Not enough meat sauce and it just sat like a lead balloon.
Chicken skin. One way to make sure you take the skin off haha.
Otherwise things aren't going too bad. Struggling with doing the exercise. Think I need an exercise buddy or buddies to do it with me so I have to do it. Am going to do some tai chi today though. I really enjoy it.
Oh and looky ^^^^ 17 kgs since May 1st, not too shabby hey. :)
Guilt is a very powerful emotion.
For years I have had guilt over Ryan having DMD. The mother passes it on and even though I never knew I was a carrier, it doesn’t stop the guilt.
So you end up punishing yourself in a way that others would find hard to understand. No one wants to bury his or her child, so you almost sabotage your own life so that you go first.
I did this in so many ways – not looking after my health, which in turn kept me on steroids for 20 years, which didn’t help weight issues and of course emotional eating.
To start this journey I had to forgive myself, as much as I could. I had to accept that, no it wasn’t my fault but a cruel twist of nature that gave us this life. I had to acknowledge that I wanted to be here for my other 2 children to see them grow, get married and have children – if that is where their life takes them.
And while doing all that, I then have to try and learn to be selfish.
Our van broke yet again this week. It is an ex taxi and we have had it for 10 years, so its done over a million kms. We have always been able to coax it back to working again. Buying a new van isn’t an option with hubby only working casually due to needing to help with Ryan. We would never be able to get a loan.
Well yesterday, again saw me in tears. Guilt that we had spent this money on me to have this surgery, when we so desperately need a new van and the money could of gone towards that. I know that no one else would ever say they blame me for that, but its how I feel.
Luckily enough an auto electrician friend was able to find the problem and get it going, but with the news that all the wiring has had it and needs replacing. Thank God he found it and was able to get it going.
So this is something else for me to work through. I feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster at the moment. Its not just different eating habits you have to deal with, it’s all this other crap as well.
Anyone that tells you that this is an easy way out is lying. You eat 1-½ cups of food a day. So you try and make them as interesting as you can with so little, all the while trying to get all the nutrients your body needs. Well really its only a cup a day you try to make interesting, the other ½ cup is porridge which is never interesting haha. Throw on some emotional issues and wow, what a journey!!
I think the scales were trying to trick me the other day. I weighed myself yesterday and today and I am at 148.3kg so have lost a lot more than it was trying to have me think lol. Maybe it was to get me on the treadmill more lol.
Speaking of the treadmill, I had thought in the year that I have had it that grade 4 was the steepest hill it went up. Noooooooooo it goes up to grade 12 hill. OMG talk about burning legs and heart rate going up haha. In 2 mins at it going 2kms an hour - yep I only have short legs - I went from 124 to 148 pulse rate. Then 1 mins rest and then 2 mins at 3 kms an hour - nearly a jog for me haha. Kept that up for half an hour alternating.
Still have a couple of stitches still to go. Annoying things as they keep catching on my bra. But the good thing is that I have to keep pulling up the pants I have on atm. Bad thing is that about Feb/March I had decided not to keep any clothes I didn't fit in as it was a waste of space in the cupboard and threw them all out. I now have no warm clothes and refuse to go and buy any.
Food wise I am having a bit more chunks in it. It just takes ages to eat the 1/2 cup. Fish or chicken and veggies have me taking about 45 mins to an hour with all the chewing I have to do.
But its all worthwhile in the long run. :)
Speaking of the treadmill, I had thought in the year that I have had it that grade 4 was the steepest hill it went up. Noooooooooo it goes up to grade 12 hill. OMG talk about burning legs and heart rate going up haha. In 2 mins at it going 2kms an hour - yep I only have short legs - I went from 124 to 148 pulse rate. Then 1 mins rest and then 2 mins at 3 kms an hour - nearly a jog for me haha. Kept that up for half an hour alternating.
Still have a couple of stitches still to go. Annoying things as they keep catching on my bra. But the good thing is that I have to keep pulling up the pants I have on atm. Bad thing is that about Feb/March I had decided not to keep any clothes I didn't fit in as it was a waste of space in the cupboard and threw them all out. I now have no warm clothes and refuse to go and buy any.
Food wise I am having a bit more chunks in it. It just takes ages to eat the 1/2 cup. Fish or chicken and veggies have me taking about 45 mins to an hour with all the chewing I have to do.
But its all worthwhile in the long run. :)
Well weight loss has slowed but then thats to be expected. In 5 days I have lost .8 kg. Its still heading south so thats good.
My date for my first fill has changed to 29th June so 2 weeks Monday.
I had cruskits yesterday and they were yum, with some tuna tempters and riccotta cheese.
I have updated photos to a new page. Please click on the link above to view them and Please rate my site as well.
Thanks :)
My date for my first fill has changed to 29th June so 2 weeks Monday.
I had cruskits yesterday and they were yum, with some tuna tempters and riccotta cheese.
I have updated photos to a new page. Please click on the link above to view them and Please rate my site as well.
Thanks :)
Been really good doing the exercise. Have only missed one day since last Saturday. Am mixing it up a bit on the treadmill e.g. doing 2 mins at grade 4 hill, 1 min at just walk, 2 mins at fast walk, 1 min at slow walk. It makes the time go a lot quicker. Not starting on my hand weights and stretchy band yet.
Have 2 dissolvable stitches still in. Wish they would bloody go as they are in bad spots and really annoying since they sort of catch on clothing.
Had a small piece of grilled fish for dinner tonight. Think I have to remember to have some sort of sauce with it. It was chew 32 times, then another 32 then some more. Took me an hour to eat it haha. Imagine being out with friends and taking that long lol.
Tomorrow I start on cruskits so slowly going to move towards more normal food.
Ops you have to hold on, as I am off to get a coffee.
Ahhhhh that’s better!!!
Don't know if I mentioned this before or not but when I eat I am to have a drink prior, then take 1/2 hr to eat then wait 1/2 hour before having a drink so as not to wash the food thru. Well taking so long to eat tonight I was hanging out for a drink.
Am on decaf at home atm but the other day while waiting for the dr I had a cappuccino. OMG to die for. So will now have to get in touch with people I have promised to meet up with for coffee haha.
And I really want to thank everyone for their support while I go thru this journey :)
Have 2 dissolvable stitches still in. Wish they would bloody go as they are in bad spots and really annoying since they sort of catch on clothing.
Had a small piece of grilled fish for dinner tonight. Think I have to remember to have some sort of sauce with it. It was chew 32 times, then another 32 then some more. Took me an hour to eat it haha. Imagine being out with friends and taking that long lol.
Tomorrow I start on cruskits so slowly going to move towards more normal food.
Ops you have to hold on, as I am off to get a coffee.
Ahhhhh that’s better!!!
Don't know if I mentioned this before or not but when I eat I am to have a drink prior, then take 1/2 hr to eat then wait 1/2 hour before having a drink so as not to wash the food thru. Well taking so long to eat tonight I was hanging out for a drink.
Am on decaf at home atm but the other day while waiting for the dr I had a cappuccino. OMG to die for. So will now have to get in touch with people I have promised to meet up with for coffee haha.
And I really want to thank everyone for their support while I go thru this journey :)
