Surfing the waves

A lot of people, especially carers, suffer from depression. It is something that unless you have really experienced it, you can't fully understand what it is like. It isn't just feeling sad or down. Thinking in bed last night - yeah I know, surprise, surprise at me doing this lol. I was trying to thing of a way to describe what it is like.  This is what I came up with ....

Imagine you are a surfer. You paddle out to sit on your board and wait for that perfect wave to come along. As you are sitting there, you are bobbing up and down - this is most peoples life of gentle up and down days.

You see a swell coming and swim madly to catch it. If you are skilled enough, you can ride it to shore, if not you will wipe out. Most people when wiping out, can pick themselves up and swim back out waiting for the next wave and they are fine.

Now someone with depression, when they wipe out, they are trapped under the water and wave after wave keeps crashing down on you and keeping you under the water no matter how hard you are trying to escape. If you are lucky a lifesaver (antidepressant or counselling) will rescue you and help you go back out to the back of the waves.

Over time, the lifesaver just can't help by themselves. They might need to get another swimmer or lifesaver to help them. For some people, after time they won't bother to even get the lifesavers attention and just let the waves take them.

Everyone on the beach watching, will all have different opinions on what you should do instead of surfing over and over. There will be those that tell you to 'just keep going, you can do it, you're strong'. 'It isn't as bad a wipe out as your making it, get over it' will be another.

The thing about all those people on the beach is, that they weren't the ones trapped under the waves. They hadn't run out of breathe or swallowed a mouthful of water and still trapped. It is a lot easier to see from a distance, than to experience.

So after a while of this happening and people giving you their opinions on what you should of done, you learn to leave the surf, pretending it was like water off a ducks back. You carry your board to your car. It doesn't matter if your board feeling like a ton of bricks, you are going to make it look at light as a feather. You pack all your gear away and drive off. Anyone watching would think you had a great time and got over your wipe outs.

What they don't see as you drive out of sight, are the tears that are running down your face. They don't realize that the next day, week or month, you will be back to do it all over again. Yes there will be days that when you go out surfing, you to, will ride the waves to the beach and they will be the memories that make up for the days you totally wipe out.

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Please feel free to share any of the things I write. While some things could be worded better, I tend to put things down on paper and not go back and read them. This is a way to get my thoughts out.