How much can a bear bear?

This is a whinge, but I need to get it down on paper - well in word form. So if you want to leave my pity party, now is the time to go.

Years ago a very dear friend said to me "You are never given more than you  can handle". I have always taken comfort in this and believe it to be true.

I look at my close family and know that they struggle and panic with son having asthma occasionally (not trivialising asthma as you will see). This is their level of what they can bear and that is fine.

Now while I might complain or use humour to cope, we normally get through things and come out the other side, because it isn't more than we can handle.

Today has me wondering, if maybe I have reached that limit. Will I be pushed to crack? Is this some sort of test? WTF did we do in a past life that we have to experience it this time around?

If you have read my past blogs, you will know of some of the medical things that we have been through, but here is a brief run down:-

1 ovary removed, 3 miscarriages, 1 ectopic pregnancy, 3 caesarians  1 hysterectomy (well another would be impossible) gall bladder removed, in hospital for a week with asthma that they didn't think I would come home from, diabetes, asthma, severe depression and a back that as my gp says "is fucked".

Now with the kids. All 3 had asthma. Jade had a couple of hospital visits with asthma. Troy for the first 5 years of his life, would go to hospital every 6 to 8 months to get grommets, had adenoids out twice and tonsils out. Due to this he had some speech problems and had to see a speech therapist. Before he was 2, he had tests for what they thought was epilepsy but which turned out to be cluster migraines. We were told he would either grow out of the or have them for life. Thankfully he grew out of them around the age of 8.

Peter had his tonsils out at around the age of 35. Ryan had his done when he was around 10. Then of course Ryan with DMD and all that goes with that - including losing all movement after his rods being done and the problems of his back opening up. And Ryan going to commit suicide when he was younger.

We had a painting business that at one stage had 3 lots of people in a row not pay, that crippled us and a worker that went up on a murder charge of killing his wife. God this all sounds like a bad novel.

So all of the above is a summary of 1985 until 2012. Then we have 2013.

I think that this year alone, has seen me cry myself to sleep more than the rest of my life combined.

We are still struggling from the dickhead that ripped us off in January. The same week that happened, Peter's work hours were cut in half by his boss. Peter had the breakdown, Ryan had breathing problems and somehow in all that was 'normal' life.

The latest is that Ryan is having panic attacks. He has valium, which I hope helps.

I feel hopeless to be able to help my family and keep us all on the even keel of life. I'm tired. So very, very tired of the fight. It always seems like, we crawl our way to a good place, then get kicked in the teeth, never having time to enjoy what is happening. It is also very hard to focus on the positive when the negative seems to swamp you.

I know I will be fine. I am seeing a psychologist who understands the battles we are going through, as she use to work for DSQ in Ipswich.

But you do really have to wonder, just how much can you bear and what happens when you crack your breaking point.

If you stayed and read all this crap, I can now tell you that yes it has helped to get it down and out there. I don't want hugs or sympathy or anything else. Just sharing the burden is more than enough for me. :)

My Baby

It's amazing how quickly life flashes by. You just seem to blink and your babies are all grown up into young adults. Sometimes you wish you could just slow down the world and enjoy for longer the journey you all take.

So it brings me to say why I feel this way. On Valentines Day, my baby turns 21. OMG where have the years gone?

Troy to me, is still that little boy with fine blonde hair that would have a mind of its own.

Troy came into our lives at a time that we needed something good. Out of 7 pregnancies, he was the only one not conceived on fertility drugs. To this day, I am sure he was sent to soften the blow and help us cope at a time we needed it. Rather than going into it all, it is written on here - http://kerrie-itsmylife.blogspot.com.au/2012/02/babies-and-jour-sneys.html

Three kids in three years didn't leave much time to think. 

From the word go, Troy had a mind of his own and we all knew for sure he had arrived. He was the one that would rip off his nappy when he was in his cot and trying to take after his father's profession, would paint the cot, the walls and anything else he could reach with poop. 

He was my climber and nothing was going to stop him from going where he wanted to. He had a stubborn streak and we often had a battle of wills. 

The two things that really stick out - Troy had a dummy and no one and nothing was going to take it off of him. To me he had gotten too old to have one at two, so I had to cut it up to stop him using it. After the initial cries which lasted all of half an hour, it was soon forgotten. 

The other item was an outfit that he had. Anyone who knew Troy back then would remember it - black and fluro green bike pants, with a matching t shirt. It was so bad that I had to buy another, so that the dirty one could go in the wash. It didn't matter if you let him choose something to buy, he would still only want to wear this outfit. It was stained and getting ratty. In the end, it had to go the same way as the dummy and be cut up (well it almost just fell apart). Again more tears, but soon over it. 

It must of been this tortured memory that left his mark on his fashion sense. Over the years, I could take the other two anywhere and buy them anything to wear. Troy was different, he had to have just the right clothes that he liked. So he always ended up with less clothes, because his cost more than the variety store ones of his brother and sister. 

Troy was never been a clingy child. He was always saying 'I can do it'.  He was though and still is to a degree, someone who didn't want to be in the spotlight. While noisy around home, he was quiet with those he didn't know. 

I can still remember him going through primary school, and every time he had to give an oral, his legs would be shaking so much, that it is a wonder he could stand up. He excelled in Maths at school, to the point that his year 8 teacher would tell me that Troy could work out equations quicker than he could knowing the answer. 

Troy has had a wide variety of interests over the years. He use to do karate and advanced a couple of belts in that at a very young age. He was then old enough to play soccer, which he did in the winter months for a few years. His team did very well, making the finals nearly every year. Troy was fantastic as goal keeper, although he did play all positions. 

In the summer months, Troy did Little Athletics for a couple of years. Again something that he did well in and at school with athletics as well. He had decided to give up little A's and finally decided on tenpin bowling as his summer sport. Again he excelled in this and by the second year was also playing the adult league and in the Ipswich team. Troy continued with this for around the next 6 years. 

Even before Troy was old enough. He got a job at the local bowling centre. He did this until he started his apprenticeship. 

Career wise, Troy had wanted to be an electrician. A friend of ours, offered to give him some work experience to see if he liked it. After the first week, Troy told us that he thought it was boring and that crawling around in ceilings full of installation that would creep its way into every crevice you had, was not something he wanted to do.

Troy was then sent by the school to do experience with a marine upholster. While he enjoyed this and was offered a school based apprenticeship, he couldn't see himself sitting in a shed all day. The guy was upset, as he said that Troy was the hardest worker that had been sent to him.

At this time, one of the guys that Troy bowled with, offered him some school holiday work, helping him in his tiling business. The first day saw Troy carting over a tonne of tiles up 2 stories in a house. He loved it! So he set out to find himself an apprenticeship. This came in the form of Apprenticeship Queensland.

Troy left school - or rather ran from school - to start the next stage of his life. It wasn't always easy, as there were down times when there were no hosts to employ him. Even with these down times, Troy finished his apprenticeship in under 3 years. 

The good about going through an agency is that you get to work with a variety of people and gather a wealth of knowledge. The bad is that at the end of your time, you have no job. Troy was able to pick up work here and there with tilers. Over a year ago, he set up his own business. It is going in leaps and bounds and he has a fantastic name around the area. He has gone to jobs to fill in for regular tilers and done such a great job that companies have made him their number 1 tiler to call on. 

.

Right up until the last twelve months, Troy was still someone who was quiet around those he didn't know. Having his own business, he has come out of his shell in leaps and bounds. He has strong values and God help you if you have kids that don't behave, as he will tell you how he could never get away with any crap and kids need discipline haha. 

At 17, Troy became a dad to a kilo little ball of energy - spanner. He came home with his dad, slept in his room, went for drives with him and even now, sits at night next to him. I think there is a similarity in colouring between the two of them haha.

Troy's feelings run deep. You don't always know what he is thinking or feeling. He will just do things out of the blue, that really show an insight into his mind. An example of this is that the necklace in the above photos. Ryan gave that to him when he was about 13. It only comes off, when he is doing something where it might get lost eg skiing. It stays there and if you ask him if he wants a necklace for a present, the answer is no, he has one. The other, was him going out and getting a tattoo of Ryan's portrait. Not many brothers would do that. It moved Ryan and I think he finally realized how much his brother really does love him.

I could not ask for a better son. Troy is wise beyond his years, caring and thoughtful. He would go without, to make the world an easier place for you to be in. He isn't a fool and won't let anyone treat him like one. I am so proud of him and the man he has become. 

So on February 14th, when you turn 21. Troy you can know that I am wishing you, all the happiness that I know you deserve. I hope that his year, is all you want it to be and more. I promise that I will still keep driving you nuts at times and speaking of driving, that I will continue to make you feel unsafe in the car with me driving and NO you cannot drive my car lol.

Love you lots and forever xxx

Thank God January is over

All I can say is that I am glad that January 2013 is over. I wasn't going to write about it, but since it is part of my life and that is what this blog is, it needs to be written.

The Good.

I went and saw South Pacific, Mouse Trap and Les Miserables. Loved them all and felt very cultural haha. I went to the Gold Coast food and wine expo, where I got some great recipes and also discovered some new food. I was chosen to go on stage with Justine Schofield and toss a crepe . I thought to myself 'this is not going to go well' haha. But I did it!!

I had a fill in my band and considering I hadn't had one for 11 months, Dr Adib was very pleased that I had maintained my weight and not put on, as most would have. My diabetes blood test came back fine, so another positive.

I got to spend time with good friends on my days out and to that I am grateful. I have such a diverse group of wonderful friends.

The Bad.

Peter has to help everyone. Over the years he has been burnt a couple of times, but nothing like this month. A friend's brother wanted him to paint his car. Long story short, he wanted the car back before it was finished. Peter told him he would have to bring it back. The guy then got his sister who is a lawyer involved.

Peter had a nervous breakdown. I was having to deal with it all and talk to lawyers, who said that they had no case. Due to the harassment of the sister, Peter would then get worse. I got to the point of just not being able to deal with it all. I ended up giving the guy what he wanted, which was everything he had paid - money for paint used, money to panel beater. He hadn't paid for the painting, but it was more paying him to piss off.

I had to borrow money to make up the shortfall. Have been selling my jewellery, carousel, bell and crystal collections and anything else I can get my hands on. They are just things and its more important to me to get rid of this headache.

In amongst all this. Ryan had an ear infection and a burst eardrum. The antibiotics were playing havoc with his bladder. At times he couldn't go without hoping out of his chair. Since I can't do this, I would have to ring Peter at work to help. Even though he would clocked off and he gets to work his own hours, his boss went off and we thought Peter was going to lose his job.

Now add in more crap with DSQ to top it all off. The couple of days without power or phone from the floods was nothing. An inconvenience to looking after Ryan, but nothing more. Peter is getting better since it has all gone away and he can bury his head back in the sand (this is how he deals with most things. Not a criticism as such, just his way).

I think that I have used up my years worth of crying and so it now all has to just get better.

I joined the relief baked team on facebook and did the cooking for Laidley area, as my way of giving back and trying to restore my karma balance (can't think of any other way to say it). I am going to put January in a box and burn it.

Thanks to those friends that gave me a shoulder to cry, scream and complain on.

Now lastly, something that I thought of this week. When I had the reading, she told me that I there would be some trouble involving money and the law. I thought police, but with what has happened, it is lawyer. I am not a firm believer, but so much has come true with what she said. Food for thought.

Emotions

Isn't it funny how a sound or a sight can bring back memories of childhood. Last night at South Pacific that happened to me.

Now I can't recall when I saw the movie, but I know that I was young. I think I was born loving musicals. Doris Day movies were always a favourite of mine. Last night the haunting Bali Hai was what sent that knowledge of knowing I had seen this before. I knew all the songs and when Nellie sang I'm gonna wash that man right outta my hair, I had the visions of it being sung. I had to look up to see who played that part in the movie as I was thinking it was Doris Day, but no another blonde Mitzi Gaynor. I guess that is where my brain over the years just remembered blonde and who actually sang it.

In the second half, Nellie played by Lisa McCune, came out in her brown uniform. While all the men were in khaki, she was in a brown uniform. For anyone that went to a catholic primary school in the 60's or early 70's, it was that brown. When she entered the stage I was momentarily transfixed by it and thinking 'it doesn't have green buttons'. They were the colour of what we use to wear - brown with big olive green buttons. I could feel the touch of that fabric in my hands.

I guess it was the old memories and the uniform, but I was sitting there as a child of seven or eight, watching with excitement. It was the strangest of feelings and I had to give myself a bit of a shake and to concentrate again on the show.

The show was fantastic. It certainly fulfilled the wish that I hadn't done last year of going to an opera and being moved by the singing. When Teddy Tahu Rhodes sang you couldn't help but react. My body just felt like it was welling up and ready to explode with emotion. Christine Anu was perfect for the role of Bloody Mary. Lisa McCune stood out as Nellie and Gyton Grantley was amusing in his role of Billis.

I have a feeling that this is going to be a cultural year for me.

2012 in Review

Wow what a year!!
This year has been one of many experiences and journey into finding myself again. While this time last year I had made the resolution to do things rather than say I wanted to. I never thought that so much would be accomplished. Turning 50 surely was a great year.

Holidays - So we went on a cruise, which was so magically and I can't wait to go on another. If you haven't experienced one, do yourself a favour and go. The food was divine  the shows were first class and the other passengers and crew were so friendly.
That was April and May saw us go for two weeks to the Sunshine Coast. I love it here and most of all loved catching up with great friends. If I won lotto, I would buy the apartment and live there permanently. While up there, I was surprised by Jade coming for Mother's Day, which was lovely to spend time with her, even if it was just for one day. We went up to Maleny and finally got to visit the cheese factory that for years I have said I was going to.
November was our week down the coast. While it is nice to visit the Gold Coast, I certainly wouldn't want to live there. It is too busy for me.
Now when I saw the psychic, she told me there would be 3 holidays in a 6 week period. Well we had a night at the Gold Coast for Ryan's Jades 21st, then our week there and in that time I also bought Peter's Xmas present, which is 2 nights at Mt Tamborine. So I guess all that counts.

House - I have spent a lot of time this year doing gardens around the house. It has been great, designing and planting and even better when you can eat the fruits of your labour. It has given me a great place to release any tensions and overall just something different to do. When I am in the kitchen looking out at the moment, I can see the vines of melons growing what looks like wild in the garden. I look and thing 'I grew them from seed'. It gives you a great glow inside.
I have also spent a lot of time, minimizing. Apart from giving me money to do other things I want to get done, it also feels good to have a clean out of crap you don't need any more.

Cooking - Wow where to start? This year I have done classes in pasta, cannoli, crème brullee, profiteroles, Asian dishes, Easy Christmas, vegetarian and demos at the Good food and wine festival. I was chosen to cook with Jamie Oliver, which was exciting. Most things I cook now are from scratch instead of using bought sauces or dressings etc. The family is really enjoying this new style of cooking and I am enjoying it all as well. As I tell everyone, I don't do anything that is hard, but have learnt how to do everything easy that can impress guests haha.

Family - A lot has happened with family this year. Troy has moved back home, which I love having him here. He has his own business and it is thriving and he has a great reputation with it. I am so proud of the young man he has become. Ryan, while he has lost a lot of weight which is a concern, is doing really well. He is back playing sport and enjoying it. I think sometimes he worries more about us than we do about him. Jade is constantly working, but the club is benefiting with the functions it is holding and catering for. It is one thing that I am so glad of with my kids: they all have great work values. Peter has stopped his job with the newsagency after 15 years or so. No more getting up at 2.30/3 am. He now just works for someone painting his rental homes. And the saint that he is, still putting up with my moods.

Friends - I have the best friends! I know that those I call close friends, can be called any time day or night if I needed and I hope they know that the same applies if they need to call me. I was lucky enough to see so many of them this year that don't live close. I did have a couple of set backs where my judgement of people took a battering and I started to doubt how I saw people and who I could trust, but it is all good now - well I hope so. :)

As you look back on the year, the things that gave grief just seem to fade away and only the good memories remain. I am hoping that I can continue to keep pushing my boundaries and experiencing new things in the future.

I can't finish without thanking my wonderful family for their support, even though they tell everyone I am doubly crazy as I am on two anti depressants haha. While I don't like to single out people, these friends are there and have listened to my rantings and supported me so much and more than I could ever say. So to Jan, Veronica, Colleen and Kerrie, please accept my heartfelt thank you for just being there and being yourselves and for me being able to call you all my friend xxx.

I hope that all my friends get to live your dreams in 2013 and that it is one of happiness and good health for you all and I look forward to reading and hearing about what adventures you are undertaking as the year progresses.

Dream renovation

Do you ever have a dream that is a continuation of another dream? I do and while it is very rare, it happened this week.

Ages ago I had a dream that we bought this house that needed a heap of renovations done to it. It was almost like an old castle. So much character to it. It had 4 levels - yes it was HUGE.

The walls were a grey stone, but the steps leading up to the front door, were more what you would find for a modern hardy plank home. They were in need of a lot of repair and very unstable. The inside of the main entry floor, was a heap of small rooms, that were really nothing rooms. A lot of walls needed to be knocked down for it to be truly liveable.

We really only used the top 3 floors. We were able to renovate them into a very regal look. Lots of burgundy carpet, with very wide sweeping staircases and heavy drapes. The kitchen was huge and old timber with a couple of walk in pantries. The inside was just magic.

Outside though was a different story. The yard was bare, the grass was dying and the driveway was pot-holed dirt. Weeds grew out from the foundations and it really gave the feeling of despair.

Now the bottom level was one we never ventured into. It was cold and damp. There were a lot of books lining it that were dusty and mouldy. A lot of the books were first edition. There was also some sort of entity in there that scared the bejeebers out of us. Going in there you got this creepy feeling of someone watching you and following you around. Your spine would tingle and hairs stand on end and butterflies would be going berserk in your stomach. I couldn't get out of there fast enough and so we decided never to go in there again.

In my second dream, it was the same house, with looks and feelings. Troy had moved home and the 3 stories with a monstrous amount of room was feeling too small haha. Then Jade said she was going to move home and we went into a panic as to where to put everyone. It didn't matter that we had about twelve bedrooms, we just wanted everyone to be happy.

We made the hard decision to convert the bottom floor into a granny flat for Jade. One part of it was not too bad and we easily installed a kitchen and bed and had it looking very much like a loft area. It had its own door out to the side of the house, so that privacy for coming and goings was available.

I was extremely happy with the way that it looked, but there was still that creepy feeling in the other part of it. I would stand looking at the loft area with the books behind me, and my spine would tingle. I knew I had to get brave and clear it all out.

I got the kids to bring in some boxes and said we would start to pack up the books. As we started on the first row, something really strange happened. Behind them was not the rows of books that had been there the first time we went down. Instead there were rows and rows of extremely high warehouse type shelving. On all the shelves were all the toys the kids had when they were younger - although in real life they weren't.

Looking at all the toys, I was flooded with memories of their childhood and the fun they had. Tears came to my eyes as I looked around and thought of the time wasted in this house because of fear of this area, when it could of brought me so much happiness.

I didn't know how they had gotten there and we thought maybe the removalists had put them in when we moved in. There was so much Thomas stuff it was unbelievable. Toys like you would find in a public park - swings, rockets, etc. It was a treasure trove of memories.

It was also the answer to us being able to sell these items off and get out of debt and finish the house on the outside. The items you could never buy now and for some reason were one of a kind.

So that is just one of my dreams that have a continuation, what are yours?

Good Food and Wine Festival

As I write this tonight I am tired, but it is a good tired from having had a great day out. I got to cross another item off of my 50 things to do list. I went to the Brisbane Good food and wine festival with Veronica.

Arriving at the show prior to it opening, we were lucky enough to be in part of a line that got to be head of the line at another door. From when we entered, we only had about 15 mins before we had to line up to the first thing we were booked into. This meant we had just a quick look around and scored some free marinades from Masterfoods and then went and lined up.

The extra show I had booked us into, was Miguel Maestre. It was a cooking demo with 3 course meal with matching wines and a goodie bag, chock full of lovely stuff to take home. He showed us how to make  duck liver pate (which I had never tried before, but didn't mind this one),  beetroot cured salmon and olive oil shortbread that was to die for. I decided that I am not going to buy shortbread this xmas but make this recipe. Fingers crossed it turns out, because it was one of the best I have ever tried.

Miguel was funny and informative and so glad we got into his show.

I guess not too many people get to drink wine at 10.30 in the morning with a 3 course meal lol. But Gaanz, you would be proud of me. I tried the red and didn't mind it lol. The wines in order of service with meal were - Peter Lehmann 2010 Art Series Shiraz Grenache, Peter Lehmann 2012 Art Series Rose and Peter Lehmann 2012 Art Series Moscato (this one we ordered later on in the day for home delivery). 

After this we started to work out way up and down the isles. We came across the Cuisinart display. They had the icecream/sorbet/frozen yoghurt maker that I have been looking at buying for around $50 less than I have seen it. So I shouted myself a pretty pink one. We got them to hold it for later pickup and oh, it came with a free knife as well. 

We went to Maggie Beer's stall and got her show bag, which included a free icecream. Veronica got  the burnt fig, honeycomb and caramel one, I wasn't too fussed on it. I got the passionfruit, which was so yummy. Her show bag included Verjuice, barossa tomato sauce and apricot paste. 

The day was spent trying different foods - some we liked and others we didn't. Trying liqueur's and liking Feeney's Creme Brulee liqueur. If you have never tried it, white chocolate rocky road. I bought some of this to bring home. At the kikkoman stand, they had samples of things they had made up using soy sauce. This sounds really weird, but boy it was good. As a filling in little tart shells or chocolate cases - melted white chocolate, thickened cream and a touch of soy sauce. 

We tried yoghurts and cheeses, salami's and noodles. There was one stall that was very much a 'why would you' type of product. Super sprout. Now looking at this stall, I was thinking they had maybe found a new 'super' product. Something along the lines of olive leaf extract etc. They had all these jars of thinks like carrot extract, beetroot extract and other extracts such as apple, broccolli sprout, ginger etc. Now what this product is, is the food dehydrated into a powder form and you can then add them to yoghurt, liquids etc. Yes I know you are asking what I did.... why? Well it is because people might not eat these foods and the woman gave the example of her brother that had lapband and could only eat liquids - totally wrong of lapband proceedure, but I let her tell her story. This powder can give you all the vitamins and fibre of the real food, but without you having to eat a whole apple etc. 

I asked how much you would take for daily intake and the answer was - whatever you would like, your body will just get rid of the excess. Hmmm not really something I think I would use, but I did get some samples to try. I am thinking of serving Peter up a steak with a teaspoon of each on a plate. Do you think he will like that???? haha

In the afternoon we went and saw Ainsley Harriott. What a funny, funny man. His style of cooking is very much the same as Jamie Oliver, in the 'throw everything together' type of method. He made crispy chicken thighs with savoury puy lentils ragout and a blueberry cheesecake and a goats cheese salad. 

Ainsley came out, got changed on stage into a more comfy shirt and went onto entertain us. He has a very girly giggle that sent the crowd into fits of laughter. He danced while whisking and cooking and he was someone you could sit and watch all day. It was just a shame that it couldn't have been longer. 

So after this it was more browsing and buying. By the time we left, my car boot was chocker block full. With so many free things that we got, I have oils, marinades, so many samples to try, cookbooks that were being handed out and so much more. I can't wait to try out some of the things I learnt today. 

Out of 50, I have 19 that I haven't done yet on my list. Over November and December, I know that I will be doing at least 6 of them. So with only 13 not done, I think that will be great :)

1. Read 50  books in the year. Doesn't matter what type but as long as its 50 and I will be able to keep track with my new kindle.
2. Do another cooking class. At least 1 but hopefully 2.
3. Go on a holiday, hopefully to Melbourne. Had a couple of holidays, didn't get to Melbourne, but there is always next year.
4. Go to a horse 'cup' day
5. Go down another 20kgs Need to have another fill, so this one is moved to next year as well
6. Get a lot more writing from my autobiography done - Been doing heaps of that
7. Have lunch or dinner at Bretts wharf or Aria Brisbane - While I didn't get to either of these, I have had some amazing meals by great chefs this year, so class it as done
8. Go through the glow worm caves at Springbrook hopefully when the glow fungi is out as well or the fireflies
9. Do a charity event - with not a lot of walking 
10. Have a tarot reading
11. Go to a musical (booked for Jersey Boys in July)
12. Go to gold class movie
13. Go on a cruise - booked and leaving in April
14. Get a fish - either fighter or gold fish or two.
15. Go to a zoo
16. Go to brisbane city markets
17. Brisbane's koala and river cruise
18. Toowoomba carnival of flowers
19. Attend a dawn service
20. Go to Q1 lookout - have my ticket and going in November
21. Get my bonsai started
22. crystal castle at mullumbimby
23. finish a crocheted rug. I start them all the time, just never finish
24. have a facial 
25. have a massage
26. try a new food
27. aqua aerobics classes. 
28. be part of a flash mob - now where does someone find these people
29. Drive a convertible with the top down and music blaring.
30. Get family tree in order - got heaps of this done
31. Go on a retreat
32. Go to the comedy club 
33. Play blackjack at the casino
34. Swim in the ocean - haven't done this for many many years
35. Go to an opera or listen or an opera singer While not done this year. As someone pointed out the Pirates of Penzance was an opera and I had been to that lol
36. Spend a night at maleny/montville
37. Hold a snake - to overcome a fear
38. Attend the good food festival
39. feed the homeless -  (contacted agencies but none have gotten back to me yet)
40. do a belly dancing class 
41. try a new drink  tried lots of new ones now lol
42. queen mary falls walk
43. drink a cocktail done and dusted
44. host a murder mystery dinner party 
45. Put $5 a day into money box -
46. Have a games night with friends
47. Put $50 on black at the casino for my first and only bet at the table. and won
48. Trike ride from Gold Coast to Mt Tambourine wineries
49. Ride on a carousel
50. Have a kick arse birthday party